Are you an emotional hoarder? Hoarding by definition is the excessive collection of items, along with the inability to discard them. Most people think of hoarding in terms of “stuff.” They envision hoarders as filling their homes to capacity with trash, junk, and clutter. But one of the things I see in my practice is that people also hoard old life experiences and the resulting emotions. They hold tightly to the things that happened 10, 20, and even 30 years ago (or longer) as the reason that they can’t move forward today. It is their minds and hearts that have become cluttered. These are the blocks that are literally weighing you down. Just as people who hoard stuff often don’t see it as a problem, making treatment challenging, you may not think hoarding your past emotional experiences is a problem. These experiences were real, therefore you feel justified in not being able to move forward. You don’t think of them as trash, clutter, and junk because they were painful and are your “truth.” When asked what you can do right now to move forward, you may pull out one of these old experiences to demonstrate why you can’t—even when the perpetrator is no longer in you life and you life situation is completely changed. You are focused on the past. You are focused on the problem. Please know that I am not saying that those experiences weren’t real, difficult, and probably even traumatic. Believe me, I know about emotionally challenging experiences. But you can’t maintain yourself as a victim of those experiences AND create the body—and life—you want. What holds bad things in your life is always your attention to those bad things, always. — Abraham-Hicks You must choose your focus. Are you going […]
TGIF Can Lead to TGIS (Thank Goodness I’m Slim!)
I’m happy it’s Friday! I bet you are, too. Just luxuriate in that feeling for a moment. Just soak up how good it feels that it’s Friday. What are all the reasons you are happy it’s Friday? List as many as you can think of. Literally take a moment and write them down. Wow. Doesn’t that feel good? That feeling right there—that delicious anticipation of relaxation, fun, connection, whatever it is for you—is benefiting your health and helping you trim your waistline. While this may sound far-fetched, it’s literally that simple to begin to transform your body. By focusing on something that makes you happy for as little as 17 seconds, you trigger a beneficial chemical cascade in your body that promotes healing and rebuilding at the cellular level. It also makes it easier to release weight. The key is to begin to create that chemical cascade on purpose. All you have to do is focus more on what is going right, what you do appreciate, how things are working out for you—in other words, things that make you happy. And you have to do that more than focusing on what causes your body to have a stress reaction. You know you are experiencing this because you feel negative emotions, such as anger, frustration, irritation, pessimism, etc. Every negative judgment you have about your body, about what you eat, what you should or shouldn’t be doing—is causing a stress reaction in your body that literallymakes it easier to gain and harder to release weight. Even your desperation to release the weight is working against you. That negative emotion is keeping you stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. The solution? Completely change the subject to something that does feel good. Like the fact that it’s Friday. As you reread your list of all the reasons you are happy that it’s Friday, think of other things that make you […]
How Taking Your Body for Granted Is Keeping You Fat
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was a “Taker?” You went above and beyond giving your time, energy, support, maybe even gifts and money—and you never even got a thank you? You gave and gave and gave—and still, more was expected of you. If you know what I’m talking about, this may be challenging to hear. You are probably “the Taker” in your relationship with your body. Because what you have going with your body is a relationship in every sense of the word. Your relationship with your body is the longest—and most important—of your life. There is no reconciling from that divorce! Chances are you don’t appreciate your body and how hard it’s working on your behalf. And you’re probably actively dumping on it and criticizing it for not doing more. You may constantly tell your body it’s: Ugly Too fat. Too weak. Too sluggish. Too slow to heal. Too old In addition to believing that your body is somehow flawed, and constantly telling your body how much you hate it, you may be giving it low-quality fuel, little to no water, and vacillate between too little movement and too much. How long would a person stay healthy in a relationship like that? Is it any wonder your body begins showing up overweight, aching, and breaking down with illness? The fact is, trillions of cells are giving their lives for your wellness and well-being right now. Your body is literally giving you everything its got. Without your having to think about it at all: Your heart is beating in and out. Blood is pumping through your veins. Life-giving oxygen is flowing into your lungs. Your brain is functioning well enough for […]
Hush! Your Body is Listening!
“I just can’t lose weight no matter what I do.” “I just look at cake and it sticks to my hips.” “This is so fattening or unhealthy. I really shouldn’t eat this, but . . .” “My body is so fat and ugly.” “Getting fat and having your body break down is just part of getting old.” Have you ever said things like this—either to yourself or others? The majority of women have these kinds of thoughts and beliefs. Not only does it make you feel terrible, but it’s keeping you stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. Think about the words you are using. Notice the thoughts that you are thinking. Become aware of the emotions you are feeling. Here’s what you may be missing. Your body is hearing and experiencing it all. As Dr. Masaru Emoto from Japan has shown, even water molecules are impacted by our thoughts. On just this alone, imagine what your thoughts are doing to your body, which is made up primarily of water. The truth is, your body is working tirelessly on your behalf but you are the captain of the ship. Your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are impacting how your body looks, feels, and responds to the food you eat and the exercise you undertake. How many of your body thoughts are positive? Are you primarily: Appreciating the food you are eating and the nutrients you are providing every cell? Feeling grateful for how healthy your body is, and all the activities you are able to do? Praising the parts of you that are beautiful, that are functioning well, and that you are proud to acknowledge as yours? If you are struggling with your weight, chances […]
What to Do When You Miss a Workout or Overeat
Shortly after leaving your house to drive to your long-desired vacation, you make a wrong turn. Do you: A. Begin telling yourself what a failure you are until you feel so hopeless, you just decide to give up and head back home, thinking you’ll set out again on Monday. B. Drive to the nearest exit and get right back on track, still reaching your destination in reasonable time. Hopefully, answer B is your obvious choice. It doesn’t make any logical sense to give up driving to your vacation just because of a wrong turn. Then why do you do this when you miss a workout or eat too much? Many women I work with see being less than perfect on their diet or exercise plan as some sort of personal failure. It just proves how flawed or worthless they are. They judge themselves so harshly, that it kills all momentum for reaching their wellness goals. They decide to “start over” on Monday and give in to all temptation until then, only to have the pattern repeat. Or they just give up altogether. I get how painful this is and how real it feels. This was my pattern over and over again. And it kept me stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. For years, when I would visit with family and indulge in my Mom’s awesome cooking, I would beat myself up so thoroughly that by the time I got home, it felt like my eating was out of my control. It might take weeks or even months before I could harness the energy to start another diet. In the meantime, I would gain 5, 10, sometimes 15 pounds. And honestly, I blamed my Mom. […]
The Fun Way to Get the Body You Want
While I’m off having fun with my family, I thought I’d leave you with one of my favorite blogs on the importance of having fun. “A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing.” Laura Ingalls Wilder, Author As I sat down to write this blog on the importance of having fun, my first thoughts were that I should focus on the health benefits of laughter, such as how it can lower stress hormones, boost the immune system, and can even reverse disease. And then I realized that I was being serious about having fun. Doh! I, like so many people, decided pretty early that life is serious. People seemed to take me seriously when I was serious, and as a result I became very intensely serious. Whew. Just thinking about my seriousness makes my energy drop. Being overly serious is seriously no fun! And just like relaxing, laughing, and having fun is really good for your body, mind, and spirit (I could quote some science, but how fun is that?), taking life too seriously has some serious impacts on the body. So lighten up! Don’t just wait until the weekend to laugh and have fun. Play with your pets or kids. Spontaneously dance around the kitchen when you’re making dinner. Catch a funny movie with your favorite person. And most importantly, laugh at yourself when you’re taking life too seriously. Beyond all the reasons it’s good for you, it just feels good. Together we can do it! Did you receive value from this blog? If so, please leave a comment, send me an email, or share this with your friends.
What’s the One Right Way to Get the Body You Want?
How many different ways are there to wash dishes? I know this seems off topic, but just take a guess. Got a number in mind? Was it more than 250? Unless you have heard me share this before, my guess is your number wasn’t even close. The late family therapist Virginia Satir is reported to have done research and found that there are more than 250 different ways to wash dishes. Think about that for a minute. There are more than 250 ways to get the same simple result—clean dishes. Too often, we believe that there is only one “right” way to do things. Instead of valuing and appreciating the other 249 ways, we dismiss them, or actually criticism them. We may demand that something be done the “One Right Way.” I know that I have been on both the giving and receiving end of this “One Right Way” mindset, and neither perspective is very much fun. An area where this “One Right Way” mindset is rampant is weight loss. How often have you been besieged by a friend who has found THE “One Right Way” to diet or exercise, and they practically beat you about the head in an effort to get you to try it, too? (And yes, I may have been that friend!) But let’s think about it a minute. If there are 250 ways just to clean dishes, how many different ways do you think there are to eat healthy foods and effectively move your body? What makes you think there is just one solution that is right for every body? If there was, I would submit that we wouldn’t have so much expert disagreement about the “One Right Way” […]
How Naughty Do You Want to Be?
Vacations, 4th of July cookouts, family reunions, picnics, pool-side snacking . . . There are a surprising number of opportunities this time of year to come face-to-face with temptation. Are you prepared? Many women feel that creating a plan for how they are going to respond to these food challenges is the equivalent of packing a condom for a date. It implies premeditation that you are planning to do something “naughty.” Instead, you seek to be spontaneous. You let things take their course. You get caught up in the good time. And the next thing you know, you’re doing something you will regret in the morning. Just own up to the fun you want to have, ladies! Believe it or not, you can stay true to your long-term goal to release weight AND have fun. But you have to plan for it. Decide ahead of time if it’s going to be a little fun or a lot—and then stick to that plan. What we are going for is to eat healthy most of the time. So this means that if you know you have a holiday cookout where you want to indulge, you’ll want to eat squeaky clean the rest of the week. What do you need to do to ensure you are able to do that? Perhaps create a menu and grocery list for the week? Make sure you already have the food in the house so it’s easy to follow through on your healthy meal plan? Remind yourself of the treats you are going to have on Thursday when you remember the ice cream in the freezer? Then be discerning at the cookout. All food is not created equal. If you know […]
My Personal Transformation Story
Since I’ve been out shooting a video this morning and there are lots of new readers (Welcome!), I thought I would share my weight-loss journey as a way to inspire you on yours. I’ve created a lifestyle that I love, am maintaining a lean and healthy weight that is right for me, and have more than enough energy to go after the life of my dreams. But for most of my life, that wasn’t the case. My weight and negative self-perception was an issue for almost my entire life. I became self-conscious of my body when I was 5 years old after my father told me I needed to learn how to suck in my stomach. Now at age 5, I wasn’t fat. But I interpreted his comment as him telling me I was. Like many women today, at this young age I began to believe that there was something wrong with my body. After that conversation with my father, I remember for the first time being embarrassed at my banged up tomboy knees and trying to pull my knee socks up as high as they would go to cover them up. I began hating my body. I focused almost exclusively on its flaws, and what was wrong with me. My negative self-perception—and my resulting struggle with my weight—raged for more than 35 years. Those negative thoughts bled over into all areas of my life. In my professional life, I was incredibly confident in my area of expertise . . . or behind my computer screen . . . but there was always a part of me holding back. Being on camera used to be something I dreaded, and I was reluctant to really allow […]
Ask For What You Need to Get the Body You Want
As I was working out this morning, I got really clear on some old hurts. Memories of not feeling seen, loved, appreciated, and supported came back with full force. I burst into tears and absolutely wept. In the past, I’ve pushed down the emotions around these memories. I did this because: I felt expressing my emotions was unsafe and unvalued when I was a kid. I became afraid of the emotions and I didn’t want to feel them, so I hid them well. I “got” intellectually the spiritual concept that there is no need forgive because there are no mistakes. Every experience has value. And this is absolutely true. But this was still a way of covering up those old emotions—that were (and are) still there. It covered up the fear that I am not valuable. I am not worth being seen. I am not lovable. People—and the very Universe—will not support me. All of this is coming back up for me because I’m stepping out in a new and big way with this blog, with my business—in my life. And that little girl inside me has been throwing a fit. She has been letting me know with everything she has that this is Not Safe. She has been trying to prove to me that: It is not safe to be seen. That I am not appreciated. That I am not loved. That I am not supported. She has been saying, “Look, here is the evidence.” The lack of comments and feedback on this blog is evidence. Missed appointments and unfulfilled expectations with a mentor is evidence. Not getting the support I asked for from a group is evidence. The list goes on and on. But of course these […]
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