Are you an emotional hoarder? Hoarding by definition is the excessive collection of items, along with the inability to discard them. Most people think of hoarding in terms of “stuff.” They envision hoarders as filling their homes to capacity with trash, junk, and clutter. But one of the things I see in my practice is that people also hoard old life experiences and the resulting emotions. They hold tightly to the things that happened 10, 20, and even 30 years ago (or longer) as the reason that they can’t move forward today. It is their minds and hearts that have become cluttered. These are the blocks that are literally weighing you down. Just as people who hoard stuff often don’t see it as a problem, making treatment challenging, you may not think hoarding your past emotional experiences is a problem. These experiences were real, therefore you feel justified in not being able to move forward. You don’t think of them as trash, clutter, and junk because they were painful and are your “truth.” When asked what you can do right now to move forward, you may pull out one of these old experiences to demonstrate why you can’t—even when the perpetrator is no longer in you life and you life situation is completely changed. You are focused on the past. You are focused on the problem. Please know that I am not saying that those experiences weren’t real, difficult, and probably even traumatic. Believe me, I know about emotionally challenging experiences. But you can’t maintain yourself as a victim of those experiences AND create the body—and life—you want. What holds bad things in your life is always your attention to those bad things, always. — Abraham-Hicks You must choose your focus. Are you […]
You Absolutely Deserve That! Dodging a Food Craving Bullet
Whew! After working intensely for 12 hours, I got everything that I needed to done yesterday. And I ate following my healthy plan all day. As I turned my computer off, I felt a surge of relief. And I had an overwhelming feeling that I “deserved” a treat as a reward for two intense days. I wanted a glass–or 2!–of wine. I wanted a burger and extra crispy fries. I wanted chocolate. And I wanted a lot of it. This was a pretty textbook example of stress or pressure-related cravings. Linda Spangle in her book, “Life is Hard, Food is Easy,” identifies this as “Head Hunger.” It’s related to conflict emotions, such as anger, frustration, irritation, resentment. Or in my case—rebellion. I had a lot going on the past 2 days, and part of me wanted to say, “to heck with all this healthy eating crap.” My inner 2-year old wanted a treat. Not just wanted . . . deserved! One of the ways you can tell you are having “Head Hunger” is that the cravings are specific and they come on fast. You know exactly what you want to eat. When your cravings are “Heart Hunger,” where you’re eating to fill up the hollow or empty space inside you caused by feelings such as sadness, grief, boredom, loneliness, etc., you tend to stand in front of the fridge knowing you want “something” but you’re not sure what. Honestly, I didn’t do a stellar job of using my tools to control this “Head Hunger” craving. What saved me was I didn’t have any of this in the house . . . and I didn’t want it enough to actually go out and get it. […]
True Confession: I Totally Stress Ate Yesterday
In the past, this would have totally thrown me off the diet track. All my technology went off-line yesterday. As a result, I wasn’t able to follow through with getting an article out when promised—which was already late. I missed a session with a prospective client. When I got back on-line, I was late for a meeting that I now wasn’t prepared for. I felt totally out of integrity, which is one of my core values. Instead of chewing on that really unpleasant feeling, I reached for comfort in food—which only threw me out of integrity even more, compounding the awful feeling. The feeling was so intense I was in bed by 7:45 p.m. Whew. Sleep really does wonders. But to get caught up on almost an entire day of work missed, I got up at 4:30 a.m. and I’m consciously skipping my workout this morning. Mind Bender: Was the Universe giving me a warning when I was inspired to write about emotional eating yesterday, or was that the trigger? Regardless, all of this would have been enough to throw me off the diet and exercise wagon in the past. I would have felt like a complete and utter failure. It would have been evidence that I was a horrible person. If I am not “perfect,” how am I worthy of coaching anyone else? I would have felt like a complete fraud. The tyrant in my mind would have used the opportunity to mentally flog me for days, weeks . . . maybe even months. Pretty extreme self-judgments, right? Clearly way too harsh for the “crime.” The truth is, as much as I want to be in integrity, sometimes I’m not. When I’m completely […]
5 Tips to Survive Food Cravings
Do you stand in front of the refrigerator knowing you want to eat something, but you just can’t figure out what? When you do settle on something, it’s probably ice cream, chocolate, or something soothing and comforting. Or does a craving hit you like thunder and you can’t shake it until you give in? You want something specific that satisfies that mouth hunger—something really chewy or crunchy like cookies, potato chips, nuts, or candy bars. These are clues that you aren’t eating for any physiological reason. You aren’t hungry. You are trying to soothe an emotional need. Chances are you are doing way more emotional eating than you realize. Figuring out the difference between physical hunger and filling an emotional need is key to creating the body you want. And it’s often not easy to differentiate between the two. Cravings can be very subtle. And many women will argue that they were really hungry when they ate X that took their diet off track. Here’s some tough love. If you are really hungry, you are happy to eat something like an apple or an egg. If you “need” something not so healthy, you are eating for another reason. You are looking for food to provide comfort, fun, or joy, or to soothe anger, irritation, or resentment. When left unaddressed, these cravings can turn into addictions. So there is some importance to getting real with yourself and figuring out what’s really going on. Here are 5 tips to help identify and change your response to food cravings: Become the observer and watch what you are doing with curiosity. Ask yourself, “What’s really going on?” “What do I really need?” When you are not in the throes […]
What to Do When You Miss a Workout or Overeat
Shortly after leaving your house to drive to your long-desired vacation, you make a wrong turn. Do you: A. Begin telling yourself what a failure you are until you feel so hopeless, you just decide to give up and head back home, thinking you’ll set out again on Monday. B. Drive to the nearest exit and get right back on track, still reaching your destination in reasonable time. Hopefully, answer B is your obvious choice. It doesn’t make any logical sense to give up driving to your vacation just because of a wrong turn. Then why do you do this when you miss a workout or eat too much? Many women I work with see being less than perfect on their diet or exercise plan as some sort of personal failure. It just proves how flawed or worthless they are. They judge themselves so harshly, that it kills all momentum for reaching their wellness goals. They decide to “start over” on Monday and give in to all temptation until then, only to have the pattern repeat. Or they just give up altogether. I get how painful this is and how real it feels. This was my pattern over and over again. And it kept me stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. For years, when I would visit with family and indulge in my Mom’s awesome cooking, I would beat myself up so thoroughly that by the time I got home, it felt like my eating was out of my control. It might take weeks or even months before I could harness the energy to start another diet. In the meantime, I would gain 5, 10, sometimes 15 pounds. And honestly, I blamed my Mom. […]
Find Your In-Dependence on Independence Day
“When I lose 30 pounds, then I will be free.” “Once I lose the weight, I can enjoy my life.” “Once I’m a certain size, I will _____________ (fill in the blank—go to the beach, take that class, take that trip, etc., etc.)” These are common things I hear from clients who are putting off their happiness, joy, and freedom—truly living their life—until that day when they are that magic size and all will be right with the world. But the sad truth is, unless you change on the inside—even if you are able to meet your goal—you probably won’t feel any different. You might not even look different to yourself. You will not have found freedom, joy, or happiness—because you are seeking it in the wrong place. “No amount of money, no circumstance, and no person can create the feeling of freedom you long for.” ~Kendra E. Thornbury This includes having a magic number on the scale, or a certain pant size, or even body fat percentage. The change you are seeking must come from the inside. Truly, what you are seeking is In-Dependence. In-Dependence is tapping into your highest power (God, Source, the Universe, All-That-Is), which can only be found inside. Truly, Source is the source of the freedom, joy, or happiness that you are seeking. As long as you are looking outside of yourself for people, circumstances, or events to provide these, you will always be seeking. You will never lose enough weight to give you the freedom, joy, or happiness you long for. And the irony? When you tap into that internal Source and find your freedom, joy, and happiness—regardless of what is going on in your life or what anyone […]
Change What You Think to Get the Body You Want
“Dis-moi ce que tu manges, je te dirai ce que tu es.” –Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, (1826) Translation: Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are. The idea that to be fit and healthy you need to eat good food has been around a while. But an even older concept is the idea that we are what we think. “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.” –Buddha (c. 563 BCE to 483 BCE) What if both are true? What if the thoughts you think are just as important to your getting the body you want as the food you eat? For most women that feels like a stretch, but science is backing this up. Stress is being found to be the root cause of most illness. And while you may think stress is something that happens to you because of the people, situations or events going on in your life, stress is really a result of what you think. “Stress isn’t something that happens to someone. It’s something someone feels about what’s happening. Your capacity to deal with any outer situation is based on your inner perspective. . . How we see ourselves determines everything.” –Bruce D. Schneider Your negative thoughts—about yourself, your abilities, what you deserve, about everything—generates catabolic energy that releases the stress hormone cortisol, adrenaline, and other chemicals that literally cannibalize your body. This chain reaction is breaking down your immune system, straining your heart, and impacting your muscles. Over time, this negative catabolic energy can cause everything from painful trigger points in your shoulders, to inflammation, to heart attacks. And it significantly speeds aging, and impacts your metabolism […]
Isn’t Life Delicious?
While I’m getting ready to head to Charleston, South Carolina, to lead the Love Your Way Slim Beachside Retreat next week, I thought I would share one of my favorite blogs. DELICIOUS adj \di-ˈli-shəs\ 1: affording great pleasure: delightful 2: appealing to one of the bodily senses especially of taste or smell Merriam-Webster Why do you eat? For very few people is it just to give their bodies the vital nutrients they need to sustain life. For women who struggle with their weight, eating is often their primary source of pleasure, comfort, satisfaction, and even experience of love. This is why diets cause such feelings of deprivation. Who wants to live a life void of pleasurable feelings? Certainly not me! And you don’t have to. All that’s happened is that over time—and for a variety of valid reasons—you have shut yourself off from sources of satisfaction, comfort, and love because they have also been sources of pain, dissatisfaction, and loneliness. The lover who broke your heart, the friend who betrayed you, the parent or boss who tried to control you sent you to the one obvious and consistent source of comfort—food. It was a totally normal reaction. Food is delicious. It’s pleasurable, satisfying, and comforting. And it’s easy. But it’s also betrayed you. It’s caused you to gain weight. It’s negatively impacted your health. Its momentary comfort is completely outweighed by the overwhelming feelings of guilt and self-loathing that it now causes. It’s no longer giving you what you were seeking in the first place—those pleasurable feelings. It’s time to begin looking for these feelings in the only place they will be given consistently. From the only place you can truly count on […]
The Love You Are Looking for Is Not in That Donut
How does eating a piece of cake make you feel? Yes, I know it feels good, but be specific. Satisfied? Content? Comforted? Connected with others who are eating it? Loved? Overeating is often an attempt to find love and fill the void you are feeling in your heart and soul with food. It is looking in the wrong place to feel satisfied, content, comforted, connected, and loved. I know you think it is, but truly, the source of the love you are looking for also is not your partner or spouse. The love you are looking for is self-love. This love springs from your connection to All-That-Is (God, the Universe, Source Energy, Higher Self—whatever works for you.) When you KNOW that Source absolutely loves you just as you are, that radiance helps you understand your true value. When you get that, you fall totally and completely in love with yourself. You also fall in love with all others—and the world—because you know the Divine loves and adores everyone and everything! But you aren’t likely to be able to jump from looking for love in a donut to feeling the love of the Universe in one bound. You have to start where you are. And it is this journey to self-love that will help you release the weight—once and for all. The first step is to get the feelings you really want without eating that piece of cake. When you can tap into those feelings at will you will find that they are way more delicious than any piece of cake could possibly be. And those delicious, awesome feelings are what help inspire action that makes your wellness goals faster, easier, and more fun to achieve. I […]
How to Achieve Victory Over Stress Eating
I’m celebrating a small victory today! Yesterday, I didn’t give in. And it wasn’t even that hard. The primary place where I still deal with emotional eating is when I’m on deadline. The stress from being under the gun makes me want to chew. My desire is to reach for crunchy, salty foods like popcorn and nuts. One of the reasons it’s taken me a while to address this spot of emotional eating is that I can rationalize that popcorn and nuts are not “bad” foods. They can still be part of a healthy diet. The problem is the underlying reason why I was eating them. In the past, the desire for popcorn has been so intense that it felt like I must give in or I will never be able to concentrate again. According to Linda Spangle, author of “Life is Hard, Food is Easy,” this is a classic example of “Head Eating.” Stressful feelings like anger, resentment, and irritation often trigger a specific desire for a chewy or crunchy food. Eating to cope with hollow or restless feelings like boredom, depression, or loneliness is “Heart Eating,” and is where an unspecific craving for comforting, soft and creamy foods is experienced. Think of standing in front of the fridge wondering what it is you want. The answer might be something like ice cream, candy, mashed potatoes, or macaroni and cheese. Neither of these types of emotional eating is choosing delicious and healthy foods that will feed and nourish your body. You may tell yourself you are eating because you are hungry, or that you love food, but are you really? The true taste of food only lasts for the first few bites. After […]
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