Are you an emotional hoarder?
Hoarding by definition is the excessive collection of items, along with the inability to discard them.
Most people think of hoarding in terms of “stuff.” They envision hoarders as filling their homes to capacity with trash, junk, and clutter.
But one of the things I see in my practice is that people also hoard old life experiences and the resulting emotions.
They hold tightly to the things that happened 10, 20, and even 30 years ago (or longer) as the reason that they can’t move forward today.
It is their minds and hearts that have become cluttered.
These are the blocks that are literally weighing you down.
Just as people who hoard stuff often don’t see it as a problem, making treatment challenging, you may not think hoarding your past emotional experiences is a problem.
These experiences were real, therefore you feel justified in not being able to move forward. You don’t think of them as trash, clutter, and junk because they were painful and are your “truth.”
When asked what you can do right now to move forward, you may pull out one of these old experiences to demonstrate why you can’t—even when the perpetrator is no longer in you life and you life situation is completely changed.
You are focused on the past. You are focused on the problem.
Please know that I am not saying that those experiences weren’t real, difficult, and probably even traumatic. Believe me, I know about emotionally challenging experiences.
But you can’t maintain yourself as a victim of those experiences AND create the body—and life—you want.
What holds bad things in your life is always your attention to those bad things, always.
— Abraham-Hicks
You must choose your focus.
Are you going to stay looking back at the difficult road you have traveled or are you going to turn and shift your focus to where you want to go and move forward on the path to get there?
Just as you cannot face North and South at the same time, you cannot be focused on the past AND move forward in the now.
Another challenge is that you may have hoarded emotions and experiences for so long that you aren’t even aware that you are emotionally hoarding.
All you know is you are struggling to meet your weight-loss goals, and for some reason you can’t maintain your optimal weight. You have just gotten so used tohaving the negative thoughts and feelings, you don’t even know you are focused there.
How do you begin to release the emotional experiences you have been hoarding?
- Seek professional help. If analysis or healing needs to take place so that you can get to the point that you even want to begin to release your emotional hoard, you may need the help of a trained therapist. If you are ready and able to move forward, you may want to contact a certified profession coach for the necessary support.
- Reach out to others. Emotional hoarding can lead to isolation and loneliness, which in turn can lead to more negative thoughts and emotions. You may want to reach out to friends and family, join a support group, or hire a coach.
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions. If you have been feeling victimized, anger is actually a positive step in the direction you want to go. The challenge is you don’t want to stay in anger. You then want to reach for forgiveness. From forgiveness, you then want to reach for compassion. From a place of compassion, you can finally find the peace you may have been looking for all along. Again, a therapist or coach can assist you in moving through these emotional phases.
- Take small steps. If you feel overwhelmed with what it will require to achieve your wellness goals, remember that all it takes is small steps. Small wins lead to big wins.
- Persistently shift your focus to where you want to go. Begin focusing more on all the reasons you are safe, all the things that are working, what you can do, what you can feel good about, and what you do appreciate. Focus more on living a healthier and more enjoyable life.
Recognizing that you are an emotional hoarder and taking steps to let that heart and soul clutter go will help you create the body—and life—you really want.
Together we can do it!
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