What are you putting off until you lose weight? Women I’ve worked with have been waiting to: Take that dream trip Take that class Join the gym Join that dating network Go to the beach/pool Buy sexy lingerie/clothes Apply for that job Start their business Take up a new sport/activity/hobby Etc., etc. What if the wait to fully live your life is actually adding to your weight? There are spiritual, emotional, and core reasons this is true, but what it boils down to is being happier now gives you the energy to follow through with the necessary actions. Think about that. You want to lose weight because you think it will make you happier. But the key to lasting weight loss is being happier now. It’s a cruel, cruel world. Often, this is the response I get when I tell women they have to be happy first. Most believe that it is the releasing of the weight that will make them happy. But think about it. When you have lost weight in the past, did your world magically transform? Were all your problems solved? Did little bluebirds come and alight on your fingers? No! I can tell you from experience, the problems are still there. Because the weight is not the Source of your happiness. And reconnecting you with the true Source of your happiness is really the crux of the work that I do. It’s helping you realize that you are not broken. You do not need to release the weight because it makes you “bad” or “less than” in any way. You release the weight because you are here and you prefer to be over there. And you discover how to be happy every step […]
How to See Yourself as Sexworthy
One of my clients was going to have her kids out of the house for the weekend and was planning to surprise romance her husband. But while she was getting dressed, she began criticizing her body. She imagined her husband being as disgusted by her body as she was, and she felt unsexworthy. The negative self-judgment was so painful that she wound up spending the evening crying alone in her bedroom. I know that she is not the only one. Many women who struggle with their weight avoid or turn down sex with their partners, or hide their bodies in the dark and under the covers. They suffer from body shame. Often, what is happening is you are so afraid of being judged and criticized by others that you heap on the self-abuse to the point that you shut down and shut off everything but the pain. From this place of fear and despair it’s impossible to believe that anyone would find you attractive—or that you are worthy of another’s appreciation and love. But the painful truth is that no one else was in that room with my client. No one else was heaping on criticism or telling her she was unattractive. She was doing it to herself. She never even gave her husband the chance to see her, comfort her, reassure her, and demonstrate to her how sexy he thinks she is and how much he loves her. She took that opportunity away from him. And the negative thoughts she attributed to him—without his input or knowledge—are now a belief about him that she is carrying around that will impact their relationship in subtle ways. And it will impact her ability to release […]
Put the Cookie Down and Back Away From the Sink! How to Get Through Your Diet Danger Zones
“I deserve to eat this treat.” This is a pretty common thought I hear from the women I work with. Shoot, I used to have it a lot—and honestly sometimes still do. Being too busy, or stressed, or having something bad happen to you—all great reasons that you tell yourself that you “deserve” to eat a treat. The truth is, you also deserve to be healthy and have a slim body. What is it that you really want? In the moment it may feel like you want the treat. But the satisfaction is short-lived. Almost immediately you begin to feel guilty. You begin judging yourself. And that does NOT feel good. This is a danger zone that can crash and burn your diet. Skipping the treat in the short-term can be painful—but the long-term satisfaction of moving towards your slim and healthy body feels really good. So the key is to get over the painful hump of wanting the treat . . . and choosing what you really want. The critical, often overlooked step is taking the time to make sure that your thoughts and feelings support your actions. Here are some ways to begin to do that. Shift your thoughts about what you deserve. Remind yourself that while you do deserve the treat, you also deserve to feel good in your body and to honor your commitments to yourself. In your healthy eating plan, include a meal where you allow yourself to have the foods you have been craving. Most women try to diet by cutting out an entire food group, or certain foods. As soon as you tell yourself you can’t have something, it starts to become an obsession. Then your mind […]
How to Making Getting the Body You Want Feel Good!
Does something about your life need to change in order for you to be happy? Often, women I work with say things like, “I’ll be happy when I lose weight.” The only thing you will lose with this mindset is . . . the opportunity to be happy right now. If you’re waiting for all the conditions to be perfect before you allow yourself to be happy then you will spend most of your life NOT being happy. The irony is that being happy now will actually help you get the body you want. What if, regardless of how much weight you need to lose, the only thing standing in the way of you being happy—is you? “But,” you might say, “I have a lot of crappy things going on in my life, people have been mean to me, and I’m not where I want to be physically. How can I be happy with all of that?” That’s the challenge. When you allow life experiences to dictate how you feel, you give up control of your life—past, present, or potential. Believe me, I know. In Saturday’s blog, I shared some of the challenges that I faced as a child. For some, they will be significant and for others, less so. But I used those experiences for a long time to dictate how I felt. It was like a shadow that hung over me. These “bad” experiences were real. And they became an excuse. I could pull them up as a reason I couldn’t do something. They were the foundation of my limiting beliefs—about me. I became determined to address them. To not allow the past to dictate my future. Since that decision, it’s been a process […]
Embrace This to Release the Weight
I’m working to embrace all of me. This includes the part of me that reacts with anger, the part of me that stress eats, and the part that judges me for those things. It’s not always easy. At the root of this is the belief that if I’m not perfect, I will be unlovable. My core human needs of love and security are at risk. Is it any wonder that I’m recovering from perfectionitis? Perfectionitis is the need to do everything perfectly. Not only has perfectionitis been a significant contributor to my past struggles with my weight, but I see the majority of the women I work with suffering from it, as well. Here is one of major symptoms. It often shows up as the need to do a diet and exercise program perfectly, or you might as well give up. Not only is that unrealistic, it’s exhausting. And it means that one mistake can sabotage months of progress. The truth is, we are all perfect in our imperfection. Sounds like a contradiction doesn’t it? This is the dichotomy of life. There can be 2 truths that exist at the same time. Here are some examples: I’m totally and completely imperfect AND I’m awesome. My body is imperfect AND I’m beautiful. My eating is imperfect AND I’m healthy and slim. I’m self-critical AND I love and appreciate myself. I’ve created a life that I love AND there’s room to make it even better. Can both of these be true at the same time? Yes! By not making either aspect of you “right” or “wrong.” When you can fully embrace both aspects of you as perfect, fully feel the pain AND joy of being alive, and accept […]
The Art of Extreme Self-Acceptance
I’m afraid of what you will think of me. So before I even give you the chance to judge me, I judge myself. And any thought, emotion, belief, or experience that I believe you will deem inappropriate, I stuff away and hide. But I can’t hide them completely. Stuff anger and it will emerge unexpectedly as rage. Stuff shame or fear of being unlovable, and it will often show up as excess weight. Stuff sadness or grief, and it will show up as depression. Stuff feelings deeply enough and they will show up as illness in your body. If you are not getting the body—or life—that you want, chances are that there are inner blocks that are literally weighing you down. Uncovering these blocks and moving through them is a lot like peeling an onion. There are layers of them and you have to remove a top layer before you can remove the next underlying layer. I was surprised to uncover a layer of my own during my Beautiful Inside and Out interview on Tuesday night with Jodie Rodenbaugh. (If you want to listen to the interview, sign up here in the next 48 hours and I’ll send you the recording. http://loveyourwayslim.com/beautiful-inside-and-out/) Jodie—for the first time—revealed how the step-father of a friend had made sexually infused remarks to her starting at about the age of 11 and culminating at age 13 with his actually touching her. She talked about the confusion she felt because her body felt pleasure, but her mind did not. That was the trigger for me. While I’ve written about my healing around the abuse from my father to help others find peace, what I didn’t realize was there was another layer—one that I still held […]
Does This Blog Make Me Look Thin?
Have you ever lost weight, but after you met your goal you still felt fat? How quickly did you gain back the weight? Feeling slim is critical to being slim long-term. Your thoughts and feelings are much more powerful than most people understand. When you take into account the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction, you begin to understand that how you see yourself and where you put your focus can make a difference in how well you maintain your weight loss. To truly be a fit, strong, and slim person, it’s important to see yourself as a fit, strong, and slim person. One of the reasons is that when you feel slim you begin to take on the behavioral characteristics of someone who is slim. For instance, how much easier is it to resist those chocolate chip cookies if you are feeling confident and excited about being fit, strong, and slim versus seeing yourself as fat with no hope of ever having a beautiful body? Most people see themselves through filters of self-criticism, limiting beliefs, assumptions about past experiences repeating themselves, and self-created interpretations about their lives. Diet and exercise alone doesn’t alter those self-perceptions. Those changes have to come from the inside out. Removing those negative filters and shifting your self-perception so you can truly see yourself living the life you want takes persistence, practice, and patience, just as creating a healthy lifestyle takes persistence, practice, and patience. When you practice both the internal and external changes you begin consciously creating the body–and life–you want. Here are some simple tips to practice feeling slim. Focus more on the parts of your body you can appreciate. If […]
Why Stress Eating Isn’t the End of Your Diet
Yesterday at about 4:15 p.m., I heard my dog rolling around on the bed making her cute and funny snuffling noises. And then I heard a thump and a loud yelp. I found her on her side. She clearly had rolled off the bed. As I got her up, her right front leg was held out at a funky angle and she was in pain. After a quick call to the vet, I rushed her to the animal hospital. To make a long story short, we think it’s just a bad sprain, but we may have to go back in for X-rays if it’s not significantly better by this afternoon. Why am I sharing this with you? Because events to which you have a stress reaction happen. And I totally allowed myself to do some stress eating as a result. The key word there was “allowed.” I knew exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t out of control. I wasn’t eating mindlessly. I made a conscious choice to give myself a little comfort with a glass of sherry, a big slice of pizza, and a peppermint patty for dessert. And I enjoyed it. It was fun to have a surprise evening off with my husband and to have a decadent meal and movie mid-week. Because I love myself and my healthy body, I am back on track with my eating today. You don’t have to be perfect to get the body you want. The challenge is most women do far more stress eating than they do healthy eating. And you probably feel guilty about it. You don’t fully enjoy it in the moment. And then you beat yourself up about it, which makes you feel so bad, your eating […]
Open Your Heart to Get the Body You Want
I was deeply moved last night when Jodie Rodenbaugh got vulnerable for the first time publicly sharing how past abuse impacted her body–even before her husband was killed. (If you want to hear this healing story, sign up in the next 24 hours and I’ll send you the recording: http://loveyourwayslim.com/beautiful-inside-and-out/) Our powerful conversation gave me some clarity on my own body issues. Last year, I shared my healing story around the abuse from my father to help others find peace when emotions were so high after the the shootings in Sandyhook. I’m sharing that blog again here. What Jodie opened my eyes to was there was a lot more for me to process–abuse and sexual confusion that came from outside the home. It is common for women who suffered abuse to also struggle with their weight. If the very men who are supposed to love and protect you violate that trust, you are left to protect yourself any way you can. Often a wall of fat is created to keep men away. But that wall also keeps the pain trapped inside. On Saturday, I’ll be writing more about my experiences and the “aha” I had talking with Jodie. In the meantime, it is my intention that sharing this part of my story will be a gift to help on your own road to healing. Have you ever shut your heart to someone? I know I have. Withholding love is a very common reaction when people are not living up to your expectations, or you truly believe what they are doing is wrong. With what happened in Connecticut last week, you may believe that there are things that people have done that are plain unforgivable. It can be easy […]
How to Make Today a Good Day . . . So You Get a Great Body
About 10 years ago, I had a friend whose husband died unexpectedly while they were getting ready for work. He literally died in her arms. I couldn’t imagine going through an experience much worse than that. Not long after, I asked how she was doing. Her response was, “I’m having a few bad moments in otherwise good days.” That struck me not only in the heart, but in the head. If she wasn’t allowing the sudden and traumatic death of her husband to bring her down, what excuse did I have for complaining about anything going on in my life? It was my first “aha” that what I focus on is a choice. I was often letting one bad experience ruin my whole day. And I didn’t have to. What I didn’t realize at the time was how important that realization was to my wellness. Dwelling on negative events—past, present, or potential—impacts your body. Your negative thoughts—about everything—releases the stress hormone cortisol, adrenaline, and other harmful chemicals that over time deteriorate your body at the cellular level. This stress reaction can play a part in problems such as headaches, diabetes, skin conditions, asthma, arthritis, depression, and anxiety. Over time, chronic stress impacts your: Immune system, making it more likely that you will get sick more often. Heart. Stress is linked to high blood pressure, abnormal heartbeat and hardening of the arteries, as well as coronary artery disease, heart attack, and heart failure. Muscles. Constant tension from stress can lead to neck, shoulder, and low back pain, and can also make rheumatoid arthritis worse. If you already have a health problem, stress can make it worse. Seventy-five to 90 percent of all doctor’s office visits are for stress-related ailments and complaints. Chronic negative thoughts and […]
Stay Connected!