As I was working out this morning, I got really clear on some old hurts. Memories of not feeling seen, loved, appreciated, and supported came back with full force. I burst into tears and absolutely wept. In the past, I’ve pushed down the emotions around these memories. I did this because: I felt expressing my emotions was unsafe and unvalued when I was a kid. I became afraid of the emotions and I didn’t want to feel them, so I hid them well. I “got” intellectually the spiritual concept that there is no need forgive because there are no mistakes. Every experience has value. And this is absolutely true. But this was still a way of covering up those old emotions—that were (and are) still there. It covered up the fear that I am not valuable. I am not worth being seen. I am not lovable. People—and the very Universe—will not support me. All of this is coming back up for me because I’m stepping out in a new and big way with this blog, with my business—in my life. And that little girl inside me has been throwing a fit. She has been letting me know with everything she has that this is Not Safe. She has been trying to prove to me that: It is not safe to be seen. That I am not appreciated. That I am not loved. That I am not supported. She has been saying, “Look, here is the evidence.” The lack of comments and feedback on this blog is evidence. Missed appointments and unfulfilled expectations with a mentor is evidence. Not getting the support I asked for from a group is evidence. The list goes on and on. But of course these […]
I Fought the Law . . . and the Law Won
The image has stayed with me. A woman in a department store looking at clothes grabs her stomach and says to her friend, “This is why I want to lose weight.” That one statement dripped with disgust and disappointment in herself, and frustration that she wasn’t where she wanted to be. She was focused on what she DIDN’T want. Probably most, if not all of us, have looked in the mirror and said something similar to ourselves. Of course having a stomach that you judge as too fat is an obvious reason to want to lose weight. And it is extremely helpful to get clear on what you DON’T want so you can figure out what you DO want. But what trips so many women up is they stay focused on what they don’t want. This is a key reason why so many women struggle to lose weight—and to keep it off. Here’s why. You’re fighting the laws of the Universe. And the law always wins. To get the body you want you have to work with the laws instead of fighting against them. Think about the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction. When you are focused on the fat, angry about the fat, desperate to get rid of the fat—you are stuck in the energy of fat. Ultimately you are attracting more opportunities to be focused on, angry about, and desperate to get rid of fat. At its simplest, you get what you focus on—whether you want it or not. Because you carry your body with you wherever you go, it can make it extremely difficult to shift your thoughts from What Is to What You […]
How to See Yourself as Sexworthy
One of my clients was going to have her kids out of the house for the weekend and was planning to surprise romance her husband. But while she was getting dressed, she began criticizing her body. She imagined her husband being as disgusted by her body as she was, and she felt unsexworthy. The negative self-judgment was so painful that she wound up spending the evening crying alone in her bedroom. I know that she is not the only one. Many women who struggle with their weight avoid or turn down sex with their partners, or hide their bodies in the dark and under the covers. They suffer from body shame. Often, what is happening is you are so afraid of being judged and criticized by others that you heap on the self-abuse to the point that you shut down and shut off everything but the pain. From this place of fear and despair it’s impossible to believe that anyone would find you attractive—or that you are worthy of another’s appreciation and love. But the painful truth is that no one else was in that room with my client. No one else was heaping on criticism or telling her she was unattractive. She was doing it to herself. She never even gave her husband the chance to see her, comfort her, reassure her, and demonstrate to her how sexy he thinks she is and how much he loves her. She took that opportunity away from him. And the negative thoughts she attributed to him—without his input or knowledge—are now a belief about him that she is carrying around that will impact their relationship in subtle ways. And it will impact her ability to release […]
Do This to Make Getting the Body You Want More Fun!
Are you visualizing yourself as healthy, slim, strong, and hearty? Or are you seeing yourself right where you are—or even where you fear you will be? An analogy that Abraham-Hicks uses is that when you are driving your car, you are looking towards where you are going. You would not get very far if you are looking through the floorboard right at where you are, and would crash even more quickly if you were turned and looking behind you. It’s the same with releasing weight. I recently read a quote from Mike Dooley that said something to the effect of, “Your thoughts are aiming God.” So visualizing yourself where you want to be is harnessing the power of the Universe (All-That-Is, God, Source Energy, Higher Self—whatever works for you) to help you reach your goal. Before you think this is Woo Woo, Spiritual mumbo jumbo, I want to point out the science of visualizing. Olympic athletes have been doing it for decades. It is proven to significantly boost results. This makes sense when you realize that thoughts have energy (we can actually measure them now), so aligning your thoughts and your actions builds your momentum for reaching your goals. But visualizing does takes practice. And it’s pretty much impossible when you don’t believe you can reach your goal. A short-cut around the belief is to focus on how it will emotionally feel when you achieve your goal. Emotions are easier to imagine. You can see an athlete cross the finish line and imagine the thrill she must feel. The exhilaration, the sense of accomplishment, the confidence, the gratitude. Bonus! As you imagine those feelings—you feel them, too! When you feel them, you know you […]
How You Are Unknowingly Creating the Body You Don’t Want
Whatever you’re thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you’re worrying, you are planning. When you’re appreciating you are planning…What are you planning? –Abraham-Hicks How much time do you spend doubting that you will achieve your weight-loss goals? How much time do you spend worrying about what you are going to eat—or what you did eat? How much time do you spend feeling discouraged that your body isn’t where you want it to be? If you are wanting to lose weight—again—I would bet good money that you spend way more time feeling doubtful, worrying, and discouraged. Maybe more time than you realize. This may be bold to say, but if you didn’t, you would already have the body you want. Your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about your body—and about your life—are keeping you stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. When more of your focus is on how much you appreciate your body, the confidence you have in your actions equaling results, how delicious every bite of food is . . . you will release the weight—and keep it off. Sounds too simplistic doesn’t it? You may think losing weight is about dieting and exercise. Yes. But there is more to it. If there wasn’t, researchers at UCLA would not estimate that 2/3rds of dieters not only regain the weight they just lost—but then some. If you just stay focused on the action alone, you will continue to struggle with your weight. As Albert Einstein said, the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” The need to dig deeper starts to make sense when you think about the Foundation Principle that “Like Energy Attracts Like Energy,”also known as the […]
How to Make Your Weight-Loss Easy
May I ask you some questions? I want you to really pay attention to your reaction to each one. Do you love and adore your body? Do you love the food that you eat, savoring every bite? Do you love the exercise that you’re doing and the feeling of moving your body? Do you love to sweat? Do you love and appreciate every part of your body—even the parts that most people think are gross? What emotions did you feel when you read those questions? Did they bring up strong positive or negative reactions? This is more important than you may realize. Your body is a reflection of your predominate thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Think about your responses to the questions above. Did your positive or negative emotional reaction match the experience that you’re having with your body right now? Most of my clients hate their body. Most of the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs they have about their body are negative. For instance: You may hate how you look in or out of your clothes. You may judge specific body parts. You may hate—or at the best—tolerate exercise. You may be a picky eater. You think you just don’t like healthy food. You may eat on the run, or read while you eat, or otherwise distract yourself so you don’t truly appreciate what you are eating in the moment. When you accept that you are what you think, feel, and believe, is it any wonder that you struggle with your weight? Changing your thoughts about your body makes it easier to release the weight, helps create a more fulfilling weight-loss experience—and makes it easier to keep the weight off! But you may have had these […]
Celebrate Your Success To Get the Body You Want
Chances are, you often think about being fat. You think about it every time your waistband feels snug. You think about it when you catch sight of yourself in the mirror as you step into the shower. You think about it when you are selecting what clothes to wear and are getting dressed. You think about it when you are eating—particularly if you are eating something “bad.” You think about it when you are shopping for clothes. You think about it when you see a woman who is slim. You think about it a lot! Now think about the emotions these thoughts generate. Maybe it’s discouraged, self-conscious, frustrated, depressed, desperate, irritated, horrified, disgusted, regretful, insecure, or ashamed. Of course this makes total sense. Your weight isn’t where you want it to be. You know very clearly that you don’t want to be overweight. You don’t like how you look, and it feels terrible. These thoughts and emotions in themselves are not a bad thing. It’s extremely helpful to get clear on what you DON’T want. This helps you understand what you DO want. But what trips so many women up is they stay focused on what they DON’T want. This is a key reason why you are stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. Here’s why. You’re fighting the laws of the Universe. This makes sense when you think about the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction. When you are focused on being fat, are angry about being fat, and are desperate to get rid of the fat—you are stuck in the energy of being fat. Ultimately you are attracting more opportunities to be focused on, angry about, and desperate […]
Five Tips to Begin Appreciating Your Body
On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know… …that there is something ‘wrong’ with everything. No matter what you are looking at, you can find something wrong with it, something imperfect, something that is not okay with you. Don’t worry, if you look hard enough you’ll find it. There is also something ‘right’ with everything. No matter what you are looking at, you can find something right with it, something perfect. There remains, then, only one question: What are you going to look at? What are you choosing to notice? What is your perspective? (I’ll bet you already know what God’s perspective is…) –Neale Donald Walsch Many women spend most of their time dwelling on what’s wrong with their bodies. You may be: Wishing you were thinner. Wishing you were stronger. Wishing you were prettier. Wishing the weight would just go away. Wishing you could eat whatever you want. Wishing you didn’t have to exercise. Wishing, wishing, wishing. Here’s the problem with all that wishing. While that may feel like you’re focused on what you want, you are actually focused on is what you are missing. You lack a slim and strong body, you lack beauty, you lack food that you love, and you lack the joy of moving your body. When you take into account the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction, you begin to see that focusing on what you lack actually attracts more of the same. As a society, we have been well-trained to focus on problems and what we lack, so it’s perfectly understandable if this is your automatic thought process. But to paraphrase Shawn Archor, […]
Claim Your In-Dependence to Release the Weight—for Good!
Have you ever lost a lot of weight and when you looked in the mirror still seen yourself as fat? How long did it take before you regained the weight? The truth is, if you don’t make the changes on the inside the weight comes back. You will not have found the freedom, joy, or happiness that you thought you would get from losing the weight because you are seeking those things in the wrong place. This is at the heart of why a significant majority of diet and exercise programs fail long-term The physical change alone is not enough. The change you are seeking must come from the inside. Truly, what you are seeking is In-Dependence. In other words, dependence on your own inner guidance and wisdom, which is linked to All-That-Is (God, the Universe, Source Energy, Higher Coach—whatever works for you.) And the irony is, when you become In-Dependent (dependent on your own inner guidance), the weight is easier to release—and maintain. You get the body you want. Your success, self-worth, and self-love is not dependent on anyone—or anything—else. The Source of freedom, love, wellness, appreciation, abundance can only be found inside. This means that you have to stop looking outside of yourself for people or circumstances to change, and instead seek the feeling that you think the weight loss will give you. That positive feeling is your guidance letting you know you are headed toward what you want. The disbelief and fear (negative emotion) is your guidance that you are moving away from what you want. The first step in creating In-Dependence and learning to follow your inner guidance is to identify and articulate what you really want. Ask yourself: What […]
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