Imagine having a gift you wanted to give someone. The anticipation of their reaction on opening it makes you practically giddy. You know they deserve and want the gift. It makes you feel awesome to be able to give the person something you know will be of great value to them. The time and moment arrives! You try to give them the gift . . . and they refuse it! They won’t even look at the package, much less open it. They tell you all the reasons they don’t deserve it or are not worthy enough to receive it—all of which you know to be bogus. You tell them this, yet they still won’t receive it. You have to walk away with the gift still in your hand. How would that make you feel? Disappointed? Frustrated? Maybe even a little hurt? That’s what you are doing every time you don’t fully accept a compliment or positive acknowledgement. You are refusing a gift that someone wants to give you, knows you deserve, and that you actually really want! How does it feel when you are acknowledged and appreciated? The funny thing is, many women overeat because they are truly hungry to be acknowledged, appreciated, seen, and heard. And yet many won’t allow themselves to receive the very attention they want. Here’s a tricky way to get around that block to receiving that you may have that I gleaned from Christian Pankhurst. Find the things about others that you appreciate . . . and then share how it makes you feel. Instead of telling them that they have beautiful eyes, for instance, stop for a moment and think about how their eyes make you feel. Maybe […]
10 Ways To Love Your Way Slim
I used to think that I would be happy after everything in my life came together. For instance, once I was slim then I would be happy. Once I had the perfect relationship or job, etc., etc., then I would be happy. But then I got the perfect relationship, job, and got slim . . . and something was still missing. The stress of trying to maintain everything as “perfect” and still not have my life magically transform would lead me to regain the weight . . . and then some. What was this elusive thing that was key to my getting happy? It took me a while to discover it. It wasn’t the answer I wanted. I had to learn to love myself. You have to love your way slim. Geez. Isn’t there a simpler way? This is the response I often get from women when I share the solution with them. The idea that you have to love yourself can feel like work. You want the solution now and learning to love yourself means you have to wait to have the body you really want. But it can be simple! And fun! And oh my goodness will you love the results. I am reading Christine Arylo’s fabulous book, “Madly in Love with Me.” In it she describes self-love as a tree with 10 branches, all of which need to be strong. Arylo got me thinking about how I would describe the components of self-love. For me, they are more like the spokes of a wheel. If any area is flat, you can still move forward, but you are in for a bumpy ride. Here are my 10 spokes on the […]
Do These 6 Things to Easily Get the Body You Want
Here are things you DON’T have to add to your to-do list today: Control the beating of your heart and the blood pumping through your veins. Breathe in and out all day long. Control all the processes going on in your body all day, every day. Whew. Kind of a relief isn’t it? You know none of those are your responsibility, so you don’t carry the weight of them around with you. Often the things that cause women the greatest struggle, stress, and distress when they are “trying” to release weight are the things they not only CAN’T control, but for which they have no responsibility. Here are the only things you CAN control in life (even if it doesn’t feel like it right now): What you focus on in any given moment. How you respond to the situations that are unfolding around you. How you respond to the reactions of others. That’s it. That’s all you are responsible for. The items on that very short list may be simple, but they are not necessarily easy. It takes mental energy to focus and choose your response. There is some willpower involved. Mastering these few things requires persistence, practice, and patience. Here’s some tough love for you. If you are like most women, instead of putting your energy towards mastering those few things you CAN control, chances are you are struggling trying to control all the other things you CAN’T. Things like: How much the scale will go down every week. What other people think about you. How quickly you achieve your wellness goals. What often confuses people is that there are things they can influence. For example, you can influence if your body is […]
The Easiest Way to Claim Your Wellness
Imagine for a moment that you are living with the body you want. You wake up in the morning feeling good. Your body is full of peaceful energy. As you stretch, you appreciate every cell, bone, muscle, tendon, and fiber of your magnificent body. Your heart is full of love and appreciation not only for your body, but for all the wonderful people, things, and experiences in your life, and you feel truly content. As you think about the day ahead, you are excited and inspired. You know you have the physical energy and strength to accomplish everything you want to do. As you visualize your work it seems so much more like play! You know you will be so engaged during the day that time seems to disappear. Feeling energized and eager to get started, you practically jump out of bed. As you dress, you notice not only how good your body feels, but how good you look. Your clothes fit well and you feel confident and comfortable. As you look in the mirror you appreciate that you just seem to radiate wellness and wellbeing. As you head out the door, someone you haven’t seen in a while is passing by. They exclaim about how amazing you look. You tell them that you feel even better—body, mind, and spirit—and how everything is always working out for you. They are full of admiration for the changes you’ve made and ask questions about how you’ve made this transformation. As you head to work, your doctor calls to report on the blood work you had done a few days ago as part of a routine physical exam. She is thrilled to report everything is perfect! All […]
How to Receive the Body You Want
When someone gives you a compliment, do you: Explain why you don’t deserve it? Describe why it’s a fluke? Discount the value of it? Say “thank you,” but feel uncomfortable? Appreciate that they noticed, feel your worthiness, and bask in the positive remark? If it was anything but the last one, you’re basically saying “No” to all the good things that Source is trying to bring into your life; whether it is a moment of exquisite beauty, a compliment from your partner, or the perfect functioning of your body. Too often, women are so focused on doing for others that they have a hard time receiving. Receiving is critical to getting the body you want. In receiving these gifts of life, you confirm your connection to the Universe (God, All-That-Is, Creator—whatever works for you), which are affirmations of how much you are loved and adored, are the answers to the questions you have been asking, and provide the clarity and inspiration that you seek. In addition to compliments, gifts from the Universe come in those moments of synchronicity, coincidence, happenstance, miracle, chance, luck. These gifts come in the spontaneous moments of sheer beauty that only you are around to enjoy. They come in the inspiration to reach for an apple instead of a cookie, or in the joy of moving your body. The Universe is supporting your desire for a slim and healthy body, but you have to be open to receiving this support. Emmet Fox said the word “salvation” in the Bible means “perfect health, harmony, and freedom.” He also said that this was “the will of God” for women to have these things. These kinds of moments are gifts from All-That-Is. And […]
Reclaim Your Feminine Power to Get the Body You Want
I’m giving myself some much needed downtime, so I’m sharing one of my favorite blogs from the past. When you exercise, do you love and adore your body? Are you having so much fun you wish you were doing your workout at other times during the day? Does moving your body help you tap you’re your sensuality and feminine power? In this provocative TEDx talk, Sheila Kelley shares how tapping into your feminine power can help you in every part of your life—including getting the body you want. The challenge is that all women have learned to be ashamed of your bodies. Kelley shares that every woman has a “First Offense” that brought negative attention, judgment or shame to your body. I vividly remember my “First Offense.” When I was 5 years old, my father told me I needed to learn how to suck in my stomach. Me blowing out the candles on my 5th birthday Now at age 5, I wasn’t fat. But how I interpreted his comment was that he was telling me I was fat. He was telling me there was something wrong with my body. I was a tomboy who always had scabs on my knees from falls and crashes on my bike. Shortly after that conversation with my father I remember for the first time being embarrassed at how my banged up knees looked and trying to pull my knee socks up as high as they would go to cover them up. For the first time, I suffered from body shame. From that moment on, I focused almost exclusively on my flaws, and what was wrong with me. And for most of my life, I struggled with my weight. That was just the first offence. With […]
Change Your Emotions About the Past to Change Your Body
I’m giving myself some much needed downtime, so I’m sharing one of my favorite blogs from the past. What came first, the chicken or the egg? While I don’t have the answer to that one, I can tell you the thought or belief comes before the experience. If you can accept that as true at least the majority of the time, it can change your life. Even if you are just willing to believe it’s possible and will look at some of your life experiences differently as a result, it can have a profound impact on your happiness—and how well you achieve your wellness goals. Most people are unwilling to see their past experiences with any other interpretation than the one they gave it in the moment and have been recounting for years. They think, “That experience was hurtful to me. End of story.” But what if it’s not? What if it’s your very interpretation that is keeping that painful experience alive for you? That is limiting you? That is holding you back from the body and life of your dreams? Don’t believe me? I’ll give you an example of how I shifted an interpretation of a painful experience to one that now inspires me and fills me with appreciation. When I was in the 7th grade, my brother called me “Buffalo Butt.” Now this is typical older brother stuff, right? But to me, that nickname was incredibly hurtful. I felt diminished. For many, many years I carried the belief in my heart that my bum was unattractive, unworthy, less than, and that was the painful story I told myself and believed to my core. But what if you take the emotional pain […]
As Judge and Jury, Give Your Body a “Not Guilty”
A client last night was in serious distress. A part of her that felt out of her control had acted in a way that contradicted her core values. She had been less than perfect. And she was mentally and emotionally whipping herself. Her self-punishment was extreme for the “crime.” No one else would ever have judged her as harshly as she was judging herself. Anyone else would have forgiven her where she could not easily forgive herself. She is not alone. Many of the women I work with think they have to be “perfect.” Not just perfect in their eating and exercise, but in what they say and how they show up in the world. The truth is, you aren’t meant to be perfect. One of the best ways for you to grow and evolve is to experience the diversity of life and figure out what you DON’T like so you can decide what you DO want. If you were perfect, you would never learn anything, or get to challenge yourself or grow. It would be as if everything in the world were yellow. And while you may love yellow, you appreciate it so much more if there’s a little blue, pink, or green thrown in for some contrast. Seeing where you aren’t perfect is an opportunity. Engaging in the process of figuring out what you DO want and practicing that is really where life energy flows. It’s where you think new thoughts and gain new perspective and take new actions. It’s how you sculpt and create the body of your dreams. This is where the fun is! This is where you are truly engaged—and where releasing the weight is easy. Let go of the […]
Blow the Whistle on Negative Self-Talk to Get the Body You Want
An old boss of mine had a sign on his door that read, “The floggings will continue until morale improves.” It was a joke, of course. But how often do you try to motivate yourself to eat the “right” foods or exercise with the whip of internal insults, slurs, and condemnations? Ouch! Does telling yourself that you’re “ugly, fat, stupid, and lazy,” really make you want to get up and do your workout, or forgo the potato chips? This may be hard to hear, but the truth is, if spoken aloud, your internal dialogue might be deemed verbal abuse. What do you think this stream of abuse does to your self-esteem and belief that you CAN achieve your goals? Pushing through this line of thinking to create action takes incredible energy and strength, much like rolling a boulder up a hill. While progress can be made, without changing your underlying thoughts, emotions, and beliefs, one moment of mental fatigue or flagging self-discipline may result in your watching that boulder roll back down the hill. The result? You not only regain all the weight you lost, but then some. Changing your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs about yourself, what you want, and what you can achieve helps break this cycle of self-punishment. It creates a boost of momentum that makes your push towards wellness a lot more fun and sustainable. So how do you begin to shift this momentum? A general rule of thumb is, “If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, it’s not appropriate to say to yourself.” Begin treating yourself with the respect you deserve. Focus on all the reasons you DO want to move your body and eat healthy foods. Focus on […]
Diets Shouldn’t Be Sink or Swim
I’m curious . . . how did you learn to swim? Did someone pick you up and toss you into the deep end, forcing you to sink or swim? Or were you encouraged to get comfortable with the water, going in at your own pace, and being supported as you learned to float so that you felt totally and completely safe? Think about which experience would more likely foster a life-long love of swimming and which might create fear and resistance? It’s pretty obvious right? Too many diet and exercise programs are the equivalent of getting tossed into the deep end of the pool. Most people have the belief that you have to immediately go from chocolate eating coach potato to organic-eating athlete. This leads to feelings of deprivation and resentment, as well as guilt when you just can’t take it anymore and you do give in and eat the chocolate. Is it any wonder the vast majority of diet and exercise programs fail long-term? You aren’t encouraged to slowly acclimate to and get comfortable with the healthy new actions and to go at your own pace. You are not supported as you learn new ways of eating, moving . . . and living . . . so that you feel total safe. To create the body you want, you have to foster a life-long love of healthy eating and moving your body. Here’s the good news. Just because you’ve been thrown into the diet and exercise deep-end in the past and have beliefs that getting slim is hard, that it means deprivation, and that you hate exercise . . . you absolutely can have a different experience. You can change your expectations about […]
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