One of my clients was going to have her kids out of the house for the weekend and was planning to surprise romance her husband. But while she was getting dressed, she began criticizing her body.

She imagined her husband being as disgusted by her body as she was, and she felt unsexworthy.

The negative self-judgment was so painful that she wound up spending the evening crying alone in her bedroom.

I know that she is not the only one. 

Many women who struggle with their weight avoid or turn down sex with their partners, or hide their bodies in the dark and under the covers.

They suffer from body shame.

Often, what is happening is you are so afraid of being judged and criticized by others that you heap on the self-abuse to the point that you shut down and shut off everything but the pain.

From this place of fear and despair it’s impossible to believe that anyone would find you attractive—or that you are worthy of another’s appreciation and love.

But the painful truth is that no one else was in that room with my client. No one else was heaping on criticism or telling her she was unattractive.

She was doing it to herself.

She never even gave her husband the chance to see her, comfort her, reassure her, and demonstrate to her how sexy he thinks she is and how much he loves her.

She took that opportunity away from him.

And the negative thoughts she attributed to him—without his input or knowledge—are now a belief about him that she is carrying around that will impact their relationship in subtle ways. And it will impact her ability to release the weight–for good.

You have to feel lovable to be fully present and loving in a relationship.

Often, the fear of judgment is much, much worse than any criticism you may receive. And that fear is keeping you from fully living your life–whether that’s enjoying an uninhibited evening with your partner, or enjoying being in a swimsuit at the beach, or stifling yourself or your joy in any way. 

It’s time to break through this block of fear that is literally weighing you down.

One of the best ways to begin is to keep a judgment journal.

This exercise from Energy Leadership by Bruce Schneider calls for carrying around a small notebook or using the notes feature in your phone and jotting down every judgment you are aware of—about yourself or others.

You will quickly see just how often you are in judgment, and you can then ease up on your criticisms.

This self-awareness is extremely important when you consider the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction.

At its simplest, what this means is that when you are judging, you are attracting more opportunities to judge—and be judged. When you are loving, you are attracting more opportunities to love—and be loved.

What you think about yourself—and others—matters.

Begin to ease up on your self-criticism and examine your own judgments. When you see yourself—and others—as beautiful just as they are you change your perception of your body, relationships—and life.

You see yourself as sexworthy.

Together we can do it!