Having a flat stomach seems to be the Holy Grail of having a beautiful body for women in our society. It’s something every woman wants, but that very few of even the very young have. If you are like most of the women I work with, you may judge yourself . . . harshly . . . if you deem your belly less than perfect. But what if your belly is actually your center of feminine power and a large belly can be used as a source of: Strength that will enhance how you cope with everyday tasks and sudden emergencies? Good health and healing from illness or injury? Creativity and new ideas? Effective communication in all areas of your life? Inspired action towards achieving your goals? Intimacy and love? Self-confidence? Physical and sexual attractiveness? (Don’t believe a less than perfect belly or body can be sexy and attractive? Just think of Queen Latifah!) During a recent Level 1 Reiki Training, I was fascinated to read that the Japanese believe that energy is stored in the area of your body just below your belly button and expands throughout the rest of your body. By connecting with this energy center, you will positively impact all areas of your life. According to the Shoden Manual from the International House of Reiki, “Today people are often afraid of being large and of carrying a protruding belly. The belly is culturally rejected and therefore the natural center of gravity within the body is lost.” One of the things that I discovered in my own wellness journey is the importance of connecting to your body—particularly to the belly, which I call your feminine power center. If you struggle with […]
What You are Doing that’s Keeping You From Slim and Sexy
While I’m in Charleston, South Carolina, for a retreat, I’m sharing some of my favorite blogs from the past. “I’m doing everything right. Why isn’t my body responding?” “Being on a diet makes it really hard to enjoy life.” “I’ve tried everything and nothing works!” “Losing weight is a struggle every day.” “I’m so TIRED of being overweight.” “Why can’t I just have a normal body, and relax and enjoy myself like I see other people do?” “I’m already working so hard and I’m not seeing any results. I don’t know what else to do.” These are common statements that I hear women make. They feel frustrated, angry, and often think that their body is somehow faulty and that they are stuck with the body shape they have. And they desperately want something else. They yearn for a healthy, slim, and sexy body—sometimes more than anything else! What if it is these very thoughts that are holding you back? What if those feelings of desperation and yearning are like spraying yourself with healthy, slim, and sexy repellent? It’s possible that may actually make you feel worse. “How can I not feel desperate,” you might ask? “How can I not think dieting is hard when it bloody well is,” you might argue? This is not meant to make you self-critical, inspire you to explain to me why your situation is different (that just keeps you stuck), or to overwhelm you because you’re already working so hard to “fix it.” Honestly, I get it. I spent more than 35 years thinking some of those same thoughts and feeling that desperation. I couldn’t get a break. My body was somehow faulty, and actually felt like it was working against me. I tried everything and I couldn’t see any more solutions. […]
Now is the Perfect Time to Get the Body You Want
Are you proud of the self-care you implemented over the July 4th holiday weekend . . . or are you beating yourself up? If you took great care of yourself . . . awesome! Congratulations! You must feel fabulous! If you are beating yourself up, pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. If it’s just a little–“I shouldn’t have eaten that. Oh well.”—chances are you’ll easily be able to get back on your wellness track. But if you have yourself under full attack, you are in danger of derailing your progress. Warning signs are saying things to yourself like: “I am so weak.” “I’m so stupid.” “I’m ugly.” “I’m fat.” “I hate my body.” You are saying things that are totally and completely UNTRUE! You saying things to yourself that you would never say to anyone else. It is a painful place to be. I love the Dan Millman quote: “You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.” Let me repeat the key sentence: “Making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.” This absolutely includes eating what you judge to be “bad” over the holiday weekend or on vacation. Or not being at what you feel is your optimal weight. Or not looking like a super model. Beating yourself up is NOT helpful. And it could very […]
15 Ways to See Your Body as Beautiful
I used to hate my body. Almost all of my thoughts about my body were negative—and harsh! I constantly told myself how ugly I was, how awful I looked compared to everyone else, how weak, soft, and poorly functioning my body was. I focused almost exclusively on my body’s flaws. And for years, I struggled with losing and regaining the same 30 pounds over and over again. Oh, I knew how to diet and exercise, but I just couldn’t make the changes stick. After 35 years of struggling with my weight, I knew there had to be another way. So I tried something drastic. I decided to change my thoughts. It wasn’t until I started changing my thoughts that I started to see lasting changes in my body. Since 2009, I’ve lost 34 pounds–and best of all, I’ve kept it off! Today, I love my body! I love my body and life more than I thought possible. Believe it or not, your body reflects the thoughts you are thinking. And you may be seriously underestimating the incredible power of your thoughts. Reflect on the kinds of thoughts you think about your body—and life!—most of the time. Are you primarily focused on how fabulous your body is, how hard it’s working on your behalf, how beautiful it is, how strong and fit it is, and how much you love it? Or are you saying things like I used to say? Are you frustrated and angry at your body because it doesn’t look like you want it to look, or how you think it should look? Are you on the verge of giving up on ever getting the body you want? When you look at your body, does […]
You Can Change the Past
What came first, the chicken or the egg? While I don’t have the answer to that one, I can tell you the thought or belief comes before the experience. If you can accept that as true at least the majority of the time, it can change your life. Even if you are just willing to believe it’s possible and will look at some of your life experiences differently as a result, it can have a profound impact on your happiness—and how well you achieve your goals. Most people are unwilling to see their past experiences with any other interpretation than the one they gave it in the moment and have been recounting for years. They think, “That experience was hurtful to me. End of story.” But what if it’s not? What if it’s your very interpretation that is keeping that painful experience alive for you? That is limiting you? That is holding you back from the body and life of your dreams? Don’t believe me? I’ll give you an example of how I shifted an interpretation of a painful experience to one that now inspires me and fills me with appreciation. When I was in the 7th grade, my brother called me “Buffalo Butt.” Now this is typical older brother stuff, right? But to me, that nickname was incredibly hurtful. I felt diminished. For many, many years I carried the belief in my heart that my bum was unattractive, unworthy, less than, and that was the painful story I told myself and believed to my core. But what if you take the emotional pain and judgment out of the picture for a moment and look at the experience as a gauge of where my thoughts […]
You Are So Beautiful!
What is beautiful to you? Does it involve a certain body weight or shape? A certain wellness level? When you look in the mirror do you see your definition of beauty smiling back? I often hear clients focused on wanting to change how others see women and judge beauty. There is much frustration that women on television and in ads are significantly thinner than average. People point to pundits’ criticisms of specific bodies. There are many photos of past sex symbols who were less than lean tied to complaints about the changing definition of beauty. But how likely is it that you are going to change society, or the modeling, television, or advertising industries? Wouldn’t it be easier to focus on your own judgments and definition of beauty? Until you are so pure in your appreciation of every woman’s body and beauty that a critical thought is never entertained, until your actions align 100 percent with your personal definition of wellness, and you can look in the mirror with not only appreciation but adoration, you have no power to change anyone else. You may want others to deem you—or more women—as beautiful, but before that can happen, you must judge yourself as beautiful first. And you must allow everyone else to have their own definition of beauty. This is the sticking point for most women. You have to stop looking outside of you for self-esteem, appreciation, and acceptance. Those are things you have to give to yourself. It is only when you began making these internal changes that you will begin to see lasting external changes. To do this, you have to begin: Letting go of the fear of other people’s judgments. Aligning your actions […]
Are You Doing It the “One Right Way?”
The late family therapist Virginia Satir is reported to have done some research and found that there are more than 250 different ways to wash dishes. Think about that for a minute. There are more than 250 ways to get the same simple result—clean dishes. Too often, we believe that there is only one “right” way to do things—our way. Instead of valuing and appreciating the other 249 ways, we dismiss them, or actually criticism them. We may demand that it be done the “One Right Way.” I know that I have been on both the giving and receiving end of this “One Right Way” mindset, and neither perspective is very much fun. An area where this “One Right Way” mindset is rampant is weight loss. How often have you been besieged by a friend who has found THE “One Right Way” to diet or exercise, and they practically beat you about the head in an effort to get you to try it, too? (And yes, I may have been that friend!) But let’s think about it a minute. If there are 250 ways just to clean dishes, how many different ways do you think there are to eat healthy foods and effectively move your body? What makes you think there is just one solution that is right for every body? If there was, I would submit that we wouldn’t have so much expert disagreement about the “One Right Way” to lose weight. Or even what foods are actually healthy. Carbohydrates anyone? Anybody remember when butter was the biggest sinner out there and margarine was touted as the solution? I know people who are lean and sexy who eat a low carb diet, as well […]
Three Tips for Living Lean
When a woman makes the decision to lose weight, often she wants the change effective immediately. It’s the mindset of, “I want to be a size 4 and I want it today.” This impatience is really being focused on the fact that you don’t have what you want, which means you are fighting the forces of the Universe and will struggle to lose weight. What does it really matter if it takes a little time to achieve your goal? It’s the pain factor, right? It’s looking in the mirror everyday and suffering from body shame. It’s feeling deprived as you turn down that piece of chocolate cake while everybody else digs in. It’s dreading the dressing room and trying on 50 swimsuits to find one that you might be willing to wear in public. It’s the risk of having your partner see you as unsex-worthy because of your sagging stomach. You want to just wave a magic wand and make it all go away. These thoughts are all symptoms of what has caused you to gain weight in the first place. At their heart is the fear of judgment and a lack of self-love. This is why so many diets and exercise programs fail. For lasting results, you have to change your core thoughts and beliefs along with eating healthy foods and moving your body. Here are three tips to let go of the thoughts that keep you from living lean. Focus on a body part you can appreciate. How often do you look in the mirror and criticize your stomach, butt, or thighs? When you catch yourself doing this, shift your attention to something you can compliment. Maybe it’s your hair, your ankles, or […]
It’s Time to See Change in a New Way
Question: What does an 86-year-old woman doing an absolutely awesome gymnastic routine, a 74-year-old fitness instructor, and a 101-year-old running a marathon have that you don’t have? Answer: The belief that they can do it. Regardless if your goal is to walk again after an accident, to lose 10 or 100 pounds, or to climb a mountain, at the core of achieving anything is the belief that it is possible. One of the biggest limiting beliefs that we have as a society is that we decline with age. One way to test if this is true is to look and see if it is a Universal Truth—meaning it is true regardless of who, what, when, or how. The examples below clearly demonstrate that being in awesome physical shape is possible at any age. What happens as we age is that we change, but change does not mean decline unless that is how we define it. Our minds are powerful enough that if you expect to see decline, you will. And just about everyone believes in this decline and are using all the people who believe it to justify their belief. Imagine what would be different about your life if you looked for examples of people doing what you want as a reason to believe it can be rather than using everyone else as an excuse not to try? Another way to shift your beliefs is to reframe the story you have around change. For instance, lots of people think that with age they have to give up running because of the impact it has on their bodies. A reframe might look like: Perhaps this is actually the opportunity to take up another activity—such as biking […]
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