Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you” and really mean it? If you are like most women, this feels like a big fat lie. I know. It wasn’t too many years ago that I literally could not look myself in the eye and say anything positive. All I could see were my flaws. When I tried saying positive affirmations about myself or my body they would literally stick in my throat because they were such lies. Wow I’ve come a long way. Today I love my body—and myself!—and I love my life more than I thought possible. Now I know that to truly open up my heart to others, I had to learn to love myself first. Far from being the selfish act I thought it was, self-love gives you the energy and empowerment to be more self-less. And it is the key for getting the body that you want. Changing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs is like Spiritual Liposuction. It was only when I did the inner work of changing my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about myself, what I was capable of, and what I deserved, that I found the solutions for me to not only lose the weight, but to easily keep it off now for several years. But how do you remove old thoughts, feelings and beliefs that are literally weighing your soul down so that you can get the body—and life—that you want? Many teachers recommend that every day, you look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you.” While this is a powerful exercise, many women can’t do it long enough to see significant changes because it feels like such a fib. So start small. Stand in front of the mirror for 3 minutes and focus on at […]
Embrace This to Release the Weight
I’m working to embrace all of me. This includes the part of me that reacts with anger, the part of me that stress eats, and the part that judges me for those things. It’s not always easy. At the root of this is the belief that if I’m not perfect, I will be unlovable. My core human needs of love and security are at risk. Is it any wonder that I’m recovering from perfectionitis? Perfectionitis is the need to do everything perfectly. Not only has perfectionitis been a significant contributor to my past struggles with my weight, but I see the majority of the women I work with suffering from it, as well. Here is one of major symptoms. It often shows up as the need to do a diet and exercise program perfectly, or you might as well give up. Not only is that unrealistic, it’s exhausting. And it means that one mistake can sabotage months of progress. The truth is, we are all perfect in our imperfection. Sounds like a contradiction doesn’t it? This is the dichotomy of life. There can be 2 truths that exist at the same time. Here are some examples: I’m totally and completely imperfect AND I’m awesome. My body is imperfect AND I’m beautiful. My eating is imperfect AND I’m healthy and slim. I’m self-critical AND I love and appreciate myself. I’ve created a life that I love AND there’s room to make it even better. Can both of these be true at the same time? Yes! By not making either aspect of you “right” or “wrong.” When you can fully embrace both aspects of you as perfect, fully feel the pain AND joy of being alive, and accept […]
Why Stress Eating Isn’t the End of Your Diet
Yesterday at about 4:15 p.m., I heard my dog rolling around on the bed making her cute and funny snuffling noises. And then I heard a thump and a loud yelp. I found her on her side. She clearly had rolled off the bed. As I got her up, her right front leg was held out at a funky angle and she was in pain. After a quick call to the vet, I rushed her to the animal hospital. To make a long story short, we think it’s just a bad sprain, but we may have to go back in for X-rays if it’s not significantly better by this afternoon. Why am I sharing this with you? Because events to which you have a stress reaction happen. And I totally allowed myself to do some stress eating as a result. The key word there was “allowed.” I knew exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t out of control. I wasn’t eating mindlessly. I made a conscious choice to give myself a little comfort with a glass of sherry, a big slice of pizza, and a peppermint patty for dessert. And I enjoyed it. It was fun to have a surprise evening off with my husband and to have a decadent meal and movie mid-week. Because I love myself and my healthy body, I am back on track with my eating today. You don’t have to be perfect to get the body you want. The challenge is most women do far more stress eating than they do healthy eating. And you probably feel guilty about it. You don’t fully enjoy it in the moment. And then you beat yourself up about it, which makes you feel so bad, your eating […]
Is This Relationship Keeping You Fat?
Some of the things I love most about babies are their tiny hands and feet. It’s not only their miniature proportions, but the delicate nails and soft skin. These hands that are just learning to grasp and feet that have not yet taken a step fully represent to me the innocence and frailty of each one of us as we enter this world totally dependent on others for our care. In our adult bodies it’s hard to fathom that we were once that infant. That the hand we use hundreds—if not thousands—of times a day is the same tiny hand of the infant US. We fail to recognize that our body is our twin—it is the other we were born with and with whom we have shared every moment and physical sensation of this life experience. To most women, their body is something to be dominated. They want instant action and results, or somehow their body is faulty and not to be trusted. This is one of the mindsets that is keeping you stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. What you have going with your body is a relationship in every sense of the word. In fact, your relationship with your body is the longest—and most important—of your life. There is no reconciling from that divorce! But what does having a relationship with your body really mean? The foundation of any relationship is a mutual filling of needs. In a good relationship, there is equality, affirmation, and understanding. And there is a connection and ability to relate to each other. In a healthy relationship, each participant supplies something that the other needs. This is definitely true with your body. What is it that you […]
Are You Feeling the Love?
I showed myself some self-love this morning by sleeping in and still getting my workout done, so I’m sharing one of my favorite past blogs with you. Someone asked me this week what I thought the key was to losing weight. My answer was, “Self-love.” Sure, through sheer willpower you can go on a diet and do an exercise program, and you will lose weight. But chances are if you don’t change the underlying thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you have about yourself, what you deserve, and your true value, as soon as you meet your goal, the weight will start packing back on. There are a lot of misconceptions about self-love. Self-love is not about conceit or thinking you are “higher and mightier” than anyone else. In fact, when you are coming from a true place of self-love, it spills over onto everyone—and everything—else. When you recognize and acknowledge your own intrinsic value, you automatically see it in others. When you feel an abundance of love there is no need to put conditions on, or limit the love that you give in any way. Self-love impacts us at many, many levels. Not only does it generate positive anabolic energy that rebuilds your body starting at the cellular level, but it actually inspires loving action—towards yourself and others. This includes naturally picking foods that resonate with your body, wanting to move, and consciously choosing to be happy. And when you take into consideration the Foundation Principle that “Energy Attracts Like Energy,” also known as the Law of Attraction, these positive thoughts, feelings, and actions actually build on themselves and generate momentum that helps you get the body that you want. While loving yourself sounds easy, if you have been practicing self-loathing […]
One Small Change that is Critical to Getting the Body You Want
Do you single out specific parts of your body as flawed? Maybe it’s your stomach or thighs, arms, or breasts. Are these “imperfections” what you think about first when you think about your body? What if accepting your body unconditionally was the key to releasing the weight—for good? Often, the women I work with feel that by accepting their bodies, they are just telling the Universe that they are OK with defects that they desperately want to change. There’s a subtle belief that without constant vigilance, their weight-problem will just get worse and worse. The opposite is actually true. As Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” What this means is that when you are focused on your body flaws, all you see is more of the flaws. You have to change your thinking. You must actually lift your eyes from the problem and turn and look for what IS working. So if you want to love your body, you have to focus more on the parts of your body that you love. Accepting your body unconditionally eases your attention from your weight “problem” so that you can see the solutions that are right for you. But it can be challenging to shift your focus to the parts of your body that you DO find attractive when you have been focused intensely on the parts of your body that you hate. Begin with some self-talk. Tell yourself “I’m opening to the idea of accepting my body unconditionally. I’m letting go of judgment and accepting where I am. I’m letting go of comparing myself with anyone else, or jumping to conclusions about what anyone else […]
Isn’t Life Delicious?
While I’m getting ready to head to Charleston, South Carolina, to lead the Love Your Way Slim Beachside Retreat next week, I thought I would share one of my favorite blogs. DELICIOUS adj \di-ˈli-shəs\ 1: affording great pleasure: delightful 2: appealing to one of the bodily senses especially of taste or smell Merriam-Webster Why do you eat? For very few people is it just to give their bodies the vital nutrients they need to sustain life. For women who struggle with their weight, eating is often their primary source of pleasure, comfort, satisfaction, and even experience of love. This is why diets cause such feelings of deprivation. Who wants to live a life void of pleasurable feelings? Certainly not me! And you don’t have to. All that’s happened is that over time—and for a variety of valid reasons—you have shut yourself off from sources of satisfaction, comfort, and love because they have also been sources of pain, dissatisfaction, and loneliness. The lover who broke your heart, the friend who betrayed you, the parent or boss who tried to control you sent you to the one obvious and consistent source of comfort—food. It was a totally normal reaction. Food is delicious. It’s pleasurable, satisfying, and comforting. And it’s easy. But it’s also betrayed you. It’s caused you to gain weight. It’s negatively impacted your health. Its momentary comfort is completely outweighed by the overwhelming feelings of guilt and self-loathing that it now causes. It’s no longer giving you what you were seeking in the first place—those pleasurable feelings. It’s time to begin looking for these feelings in the only place they will be given consistently. From the only place you can truly count on […]
There’s More to Your Body Than Just Looks
Do you suffer from body shame? Many women look in the mirror and see nothing but their flaws. They aren’t comfortable in their bodies, even in the privacy of their own bedrooms. They judge how they look way more harshly than anyone else. How likely is your body going to maintain its youth, vigor, wellness, and well-being if you abuse it with your thoughts and words? How well does a child flourish in such an environment? How healthy are your relationships when you do nothing but subject the other to constant criticism? Eating junk food and being sedentary are just the symptoms of the mental and emotional treatment you are heaping on your body. How well are you going to treat something that you hate, loath, despise, or are ashamed of? As many teachers will tell you, the answer is to love your body. When you love your body, you want to take care of it. You are inspired to eat healthy and move because it is a gift to yourself. It no longer feels like something you have to do. And the positive energy you provide it allows your body to rebuild, regenerate, and remain vital and alive. When you have experienced long-term body shame, however, trying to go immediately to loving your body feels like a big fat lie. It’s almost laughable. It feels so foreign; it’s just not a habit you can develop easily. Begin small. Start by finding one thing about your body you can appreciate. Maybe it’s your tongue. You love tasting food. You are articulate and able to communicate. Your tongue never lets you down. After a few days of appreciating your tongue—even for just 1 minute a day—then find […]
Why You Have to Be Selfish Enough to Take Care of You
A client told me yesterday that “self-care feels decadent.” The good news is she is in my program so there is a part of her that knows that belief is totally and completely bogus. Did I say that lovingly and gently enough? I’m making this point so strongly because this belief is epidemic in women—and it is NOT serving you. So I am just calling it out. I am talking to you if you are a woman who feels that: Taking care of you is being selfish. Or Taking care of you is something you should be doing so you don’t deserve any credit for it. Or What you are doing to take care of you is so small in comparison to what others are doing that it doesn’t deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated. Or Any variation on this theme. This is one way you are unknowingly sabotaging yourself and staying stuck in the rebound weight-gain cycle. Being critical of yourself, making harsh demands, being unwilling to support and celebrate yourself for what you ARE doing is holding you back from getting the body you want. If you want different results than what you have been getting, start by celebrating each tiny sign of progress. The Truth is that making your self-care your highest priority—AND acknowledging and celebrating how you are taking care of you—is what will give you the extra energy and vitality to be the partner, mom, friend, employee, business owner, lover—woman—you want to be. This is because taking the action is important—but it is the energy and attitude behind the action that will lead to success, or not. Think about how much you get done when you are excited, eager, and looking […]
The Love You Are Looking for Is Not in That Donut
How does eating a piece of cake make you feel? Yes, I know it feels good, but be specific. Satisfied? Content? Comforted? Connected with others who are eating it? Loved? Overeating is often an attempt to find love and fill the void you are feeling in your heart and soul with food. It is looking in the wrong place to feel satisfied, content, comforted, connected, and loved. I know you think it is, but truly, the source of the love you are looking for also is not your partner or spouse. The love you are looking for is self-love. This love springs from your connection to All-That-Is (God, the Universe, Source Energy, Higher Self—whatever works for you.) When you KNOW that Source absolutely loves you just as you are, that radiance helps you understand your true value. When you get that, you fall totally and completely in love with yourself. You also fall in love with all others—and the world—because you know the Divine loves and adores everyone and everything! But you aren’t likely to be able to jump from looking for love in a donut to feeling the love of the Universe in one bound. You have to start where you are. And it is this journey to self-love that will help you release the weight—once and for all. The first step is to get the feelings you really want without eating that piece of cake. When you can tap into those feelings at will you will find that they are way more delicious than any piece of cake could possibly be. And those delicious, awesome feelings are what help inspire action that makes your wellness goals faster, easier, and more fun to achieve. I […]
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