When one of my clients realizes how poorly she’s treated her body—whether it’s the low quality food she’s fed it over the years, a lack of consistent exercise, or a never-ending stream of critical thoughts and beliefs—there’s often guilt. It is normal to feel shame and want to throw blame on yourself. But I don’t encourage it. What’s past is past. What if you instead claim the power of having 100 percent responsibility to create the body you want—from this moment forward? This means focusing on what you can do about your wellness right now. But there is often an emotional gap between feeling guilty and feeling empowered to make new choices. How do you create a bridge? One process I share with my clients is a variation on the Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono), an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. Author Joe Vitale, who appeared in the movie, The Secret, was the first to bring this practice to my attention. In my process, get into a meditative state and begin to appreciate your body. Begin by appreciating your toes, the balls of your feet, your arches, your heels, your ankles, your calves, etc. Work your way all the way up to the top of your head, making sure to acknowledge internal organs, bones, muscles, tendons, even cells and your hair. Wherever you notice pain or you come across an area of your body you feel resistance around appreciating, say “Forgive me. Thank you. I Love You” and really feel it. You may have to repeat this process numerous times, but you will begin to shift the underlying thoughts, feelings, and energy. You will begin to take responsibility for you wellness. You will begin to love you. And loving […]
How Taking Responsibility Empowers You To Get the Body You Want
I am getting a great reminder that I create my life and have responsibility for meeting my goals and intention to be self-loving—and loving to others. Sometimes that means exercising tough love—to yourself or someone else. It’s a lot easier to blame others when things aren’t going right. Common excuses I hear about losing weight are, “If my boss didn’t make my job so stressful, I wouldn’t eat so much.” “The rest of my family wants to eat junk food, so I have to eat it, too.” “My spouse won’t do the program with me, so I’m stuck doing what I’ve always done.” While these things may very well be true, shifting the blame to anyone or anything else makes you the victim—of others, situations, even the world. When you are in victim energy, you have no power to create the body—or life—that you really want. It makes you blind to the path forward—even if it’s right in front of you—and zaps your energy for taking any step towards where you want to go. Being the victim is enticing because it lets you off the hook. You don’t have to do better, try harder, or make any changes because everyone else needs to change first. But you will never create the body you want if you are waiting for anyone—or anything—else to change. To get different results, you have to take responsibility for how you show up, respond, and the actions that you take. Taking full responsibility for everything in your life means you have the power to change it. This is empowerment. Empowerment doesn’t mean easy. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for someone else is to create firm boundaries, […]
Love Is Good for Your Health
If you will release all concern about how others feel about you, and focus only upon how you feel about them, you will unearth your core understanding of who-you-really-are, and you will discover what true freedom really is. —Abraham-Hicks May I share something deeply personal with you? I’ve been processing a lot of intense emotions the past couple of days. My intention with sharing this part of my story is that it may benefit you on some level. Maybe it will let you know that you are not alone, or that moving through and gaining a different perspective on challenging life experiences is possible. May you find this beneficial in some way. Last month, I wrote about my father, who died over Thanksgiving weekend. I had not had any connection with him since I was 15. He was emotionally and physically abusive, and I doubt that many people had any idea of the pain being inflicted on me, my mother, and brothers behind closed doors. It took him almost killing my mother one night for us to find the courage to leave him. Over the years, I had put a lot of intention around consciously forgiving him, and even came to feel strongly that there was nothing to forgive. While it was the absolute best decision I could have made to protect myself from any future physical and emotional harm that might have come from having direct contact with him, not forgiving him only hurt me. Looking back at his upbringing, I had come to understand how he had been broken as a child, and how that had led to his actions with us. I had come to value my childhood experiences as key […]
Create the Body You Want From the Inside Out
I had a client yesterday who said she believed she was a terrible and horrible person. Youch. That is such a painful place to be. So I playfully asked if she had stolen any babies lately? Committed any murders? Robbed any banks? Of course not. Her worst “crimes” were that in the she’d hurt people’s feelings, had yelled at people, was bitchy sometimes, and wasn’t always productive. This is normal! No one is the person they want to be 100 percent of the time. I certainly haven’t been, and am sure I will fall short in the future. This doesn’t make you—or me—a “bad” person. One of my client’s biggest limiting beliefs is believing that they are less than—less valuable, less important, less smart, less beautiful, less worthy, etc., etc.—than everyone else. The Truth is, you have intrinsic value—no matter what you do or don’t do. To begin to see this, start with how you speak to yourself. What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror? What are your thoughts about yourself? How much praise is there compared to criticism? Would you speak to someone else the way you speak to yourself? How would they feel if you did? What if you said those things to a child? Would it nourish them, or make them cry? Often, what you say to yourself would get you arrested if you said it to a child. If it’s not OK to say to someone else, why is it OK to say to yourself? You are as unique as a snow flake. There is not anyone else in the world that has had the exact same experiences as you, or who sees the world in exactly […]
Open Your Heart to Get the Body You Want
Have you ever shut your heart to someone? I know I have. Withholding love is a very common reaction when people are not living up to your expectations, or you truly believe what they are doing is wrong. With what happened in Connecticut last week, you may believe that there are things that people have done that are plain unforgivable. It can be easy to feel justified in judging the culprit as unworthy of your love. I totally get that. When I was a kid, I was emotionally and physically abused by my father. And I doubt that many people had any idea of the pain being inflicted on me, my mother, and brothers behind closed doors. It took him almost killing my mother one night for us to find the courage to leave him. At the age of 15, I severed all connections with my father. I think most people would say I was justified in withholding love from him. And I did for a long time. While it was the absolute best decision I could have made to protect myself from any future physical and emotional harm, not forgiving him only hurt me. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” –Buddha Shutting your heart down—even for the best of reasons—does not actually punish the other person. And it is far more detrimental to you. The negative reaction is felt in your body, not theirs. And it is causing you physical harm. This is why practicing forgiveness and unconditional love is so powerful. By allowing yourself to give love—no matter what—you’re providing […]
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