Many women I work with are squeezed between feeling the need to be perfect and judging themselves harshly for not being perfect. Wow it’s a painful place to be. And so not necessary. I love the Dan Millman quote: “You began life with a natural, complete sense of worth. (Have you ever met an infant with self-worth issues?) But as you grow, you serve as your own judge, deducting points when you misunderstand the nature of living, and learning—when you forget you are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.” I would go further. Not only is being imperfect not an unforgivable sin, it’s vital to living a full, happy, and authentic life. Often when I ask clients to list their gifts or positive attributes, they struggle or can’t do it. But ask them for self-criticism or the perceived judgments of others and they can give you a page. From the time you were born, you begin trying to please many masters—parents, teachers, friends, society, God, etc., etc. This would be OK if they were asking the same thing from you, but the message is inconsistent. To please your parents you have to say and be one way. To please your teachers, you have to say and be another. Your friends yet another. And people still don’t like you and criticize you. You begin to think, “Maybe if I contort myself this way or that way they will love me.” You begin striving to meet this ever-changing target of perfection that will make everyone else happy. In the process of contorting yourself, you lose Who you are—what you actually enjoy, […]
How to Manage A Diet Disaster
You just ate a cookie. (OK 5.) Now What? Often, the women I work with think things like, “I’ve blown it. I might as well eat whatever I want.” Or your try to get back on track but feel your self-control slipping away. Or you just give up altogether. It’s a familiar place and feels hopeless. You may feel that not being “perfect” on your diet or exercise program means starting over from scratch. The resulting negative assault on your mind, body, and spirit feels terrible! Even if it’s not out-and-out mental self-abuse, there is probably a slight undercurrent of negative thoughts and feelings (guilt, worry, helplessness, self-doubt, blame) that results from your less than stellar food choices. Pay attention to these thoughts and emotions! You have to be aware of them to shift them. This is how you ultimately break the rebound weight-gain cycle—for good. Often, it’s helpful to acknowledge that optimal wellness is about taking care of you for the long-run. Yes, you want to lose weight as quickly as possible, but your wellness goals will not end there. What are the reasons you want to release the weight once and for all? Maybe you want to rock a swimsuit or little black dress. But it goes a lot deeper than just wanting to look good. Maybe you are tired of watching from the sidelines as your family has fun without you. Maybe you want the health and vitality to play with your pets, kids, or grand-kids. Maybe you want to be the best wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, etc., you can be. Maybe you just want to consistently feel good physically. Maybe you want the strength and stamina to live the robust life you envision—hiking, traveling, […]
Being Perfectly You is Key to Getting the Body You Want
“I have to have a perfect body, or I won’t be beautiful.” “I have to diet and exercise perfectly, or I’ve blown it.” “I have to be perfect, or people won’t love me or I won’t’ be a success.” Feeling like you have to be and do things perfectly or you are a “failure” is a common attribute of the women with whom I work. Perfection is an expectation that can never be met. The stress of trying to fulfill this unmeetable expectation can be a serious blow to your wellness—and weight loss efforts. If you think about it, life would actually get pretty boring if you were perfect. You would never learn anything, get to challenge yourself or grow. It would be as if everything in the world were yellow. And while you may love yellow, you appreciate it so much more if there’s a little blue, pink, or green thrown in for some contrast. Your body is your body. Its curves and shape are uniquely you. Its size and contours are different from everyone else on the planet. It is that uniqueness that makes you beautiful, not your conformity. What is optimal for your body will be different from everyone else. While using another’s body to inspire you to meet your goals can be a useful tool, if you are comparing your body and finding fault or reason to criticize yourself, you are actually doing harm to you, your body, and are unknowingly sabotaging your weight-loss goals. Seeing where you aren’t perfect is an opportunity. Engaging in the process of figuring out what you do want, what you are doing right, determining what is optimal for you, and valuing how you are unique will […]
You Are Perfect in Your Imperfection
Last night, my fabulous coach, Kendra Thornbury, and I diagnosed some lurking perfectionitis. This is the need to do everything perfectly. Not only has perfectionitis been a significant contributor to my past struggles with my weight, but I see the majority of the women I work with suffering from it, as well. It often shows up as the need to do a diet and exercise program perfectly, or you might as well give up. Not only is that unrealistic, it’s exhausting. And it means that one mistake can sabotage months’ worth of progress. In my case, it’s showing up as the feeling that I need to be perfect in order to be successful at business—and be credible to you fabulous clients and readers. And my reaction to this diagnosis was pretty text-book. “Seriously? I thought I had gotten rid of all that!” Not very tolerant or supportive of myself, eh? Ah, the self-development work never ends! And you know what? It’s not supposed to. Because we are all perfect in our imperfection. So for the record: I’m totally and completely imperfect AND I’m awesome. My body is imperfect AND I’m beautiful. My eating is imperfect AND I’m healthy and slim. I’m self-critical AND I love and appreciate myself. I’ve created a life that I love AND there’s room to make it even better. Once again, I remind myself of what I know. There is no “one right way” to do anything. By being more tolerant and supportive of yourself, you help lift the “all or nothing” requirement for success—for any goal. By giving yourself some relief from perfectionitis, you more easily and consistently move towards the best possible version of you—which is an every changing […]
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