A lot of focus is on the overeating that most American’s indulged in during the Thanksgiving Day celebration last week. Often the eating continues over the holiday weekend . . . and on through the New Year, if not continuing until Easter.

But for a number of my clients, it’s their emotional wellness that is as strained after the holiday as their waistbands.

Here’s the deal.

Holiday weight-gain is really NOT about all the holiday treats and temptations.

Oh, that plays a part, but overeating beyond Thanksgiving day is more about all the things about the holidays that can impact people’s wellness. Things like being impacted by depression, overwhelment, challenging relationships, and stress.

The typical things that can throw people out of balance–and have them reaching for extra helpings of their favorite comfort food–during the holidays include:

• Unmet expectations—you might be trying to live up to a romanticized notion of how the holidays should be, either from your memories of when you were a kid or from how the holidays are portrayed in the movies. Or you may be trying to make everything perfect—for yourself or for others. This is something Mom’s can really struggle with because they want to make things perfect for their kids.
• Other people’s expectations—you can be dealing with expectations of how you should act, or your perception of other people’s expectations. You may really struggle with feeling like you’re disappointing people, or feel like they have a negative perception of you that you can use as a reason to feel bad about yourself.
• Dwelling on negative things—you might have previous holiday-related disappointments or difficult times that haunt you this time of year.
• Challenging relationships—tensions often run high during the holidays and there may be family misunderstandings and conflicts, particularly if you’re spending a lot more time together than usual. Or you may be facing the holidays without a loved one, which can also leave you feeling lonely and sad.
• Extra physical demands—all the shopping, decorating, socializing, cooking, sending out holiday cards—the list goes on and on—can leave you wiped out. Particularly if you feel like you have to do it all yourself. Being exhausted increases stress. Exercise and sleep—those good solutions for stress and fatigue—may take a back seat to chores and errands.

But there is hope.

Having a different experience over the holidays is really about making different choices.

Here are some tips for easing holiday strain–both on your waistband AND emotions :

• Define what the holidays really mean to you and how you want to feel. Then make that vision your priority. Let go of anything that doesn’t create that vision and feeling.
• Take care of you! Take the time to meditate, exercise, and get enough rest so that you have mental clarity and physical energy. Taking care of you enables you to take care of others–and be the version of you that others actually want to be around!
• Focus on the best qualities of everyone you love and forgive them for not being perfect. And most importantly, forgive yourself for not being perfect!
• Let go of the responsibility for anyone else’s happiness. I know it’s hard to hear and even harder to believe, but this includes your kids!
• Release the need to do everything yourself and either ask for help or let things go. That means not criticizing your partner when they do things differently than how you would have done them. When it comes to stress relief, done equals beautiful!
• Focus on all the things you appreciate. If you can only do one thing, do this!
• Focus on all the reasons you want to start the New Year feeling great. Write down the reminders and read them when you start to feel stressed.
• Celebrate each tiny thing that you do that creates your balanced and fulfilled holiday experience. Taking a stress-relieving bath, going for a walk, not snapping at your kids–all wins!
• Reach out for support to help you get through the challenges you are facing. It can be hard to ask for what you need, but this is not the time to go it alone. Seek the support of a friend, hire a coach, or reach out to a free on-line support community.

Ultimately, getting through the holidays feeling healthy and happy is about letting go of the need to be perfect. It’s reaching for the hope and belief that life can get better and better.

Together we can do it!