I used to think that I would be happy after everything in my life came together.

For instance, once I was slim then I would be happy.

Once I had the perfect relationship or job, etc., etc., then I would be happy.

But then I got the perfect relationship, job, and got slim . . . and something was still missing.

The stress of trying to maintain everything as “perfect” and still not have my life magically transform would lead me to regain the weight . . . and then some.

What was this elusive thing that was key to my getting happy?

It took me a while to discover it.

It wasn’t the answer I wanted.

I had to learn to love myself.

You have to love your way slim.

Geez. Isn’t there a simpler way?

This is the response I often get from women when I share the solution with them.

The idea that you have to love yourself can feel like work.

You want the solution now and learning to love yourself means you have to wait to have the body you really want.

But it can be simple! And fun! And oh my goodness will you love the results.

I am reading Christine Arylo’s fabulous book, “Madly in Love with Me.” In it she describes self-love as a tree with 10 branches, all of which need to be strong.

Arylo got me thinking about how I would describe the components of self-love. For me, they are more like the spokes of a wheel. If any area is flat, you can still move forward, but you are in for a bumpy ride.

Here are my 10 spokes on the Love Yourself Wheel. 

As you read these, score your satisfaction in each area on a scale of 1 to 10. The higher the number, the more satisfied you are.

Then note in what areas you are doing well . . . and what areas need some attention. Focus on the areas that will help you Love Your Way Slim–and be happy every step of the way.

1. Self-Awareness

“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.”

― Doris Mortman

Know thyself.

This ancient maxim means you’ve got to get real with yourself.

You have to be willing to look at and acknowledge who you are . . . and who you aren’t.

Being clear and honest with yourself about the whole of who you are—no matter what!—is critical to loving yourself.

2. Self-Acceptance

You love who you are exactly as you are.

In this moment, you know you are perfect just as you are. You don’t compare yourself to others, and you don’t wish you were different. You acknowledge, appreciate, and adore yourself for who you are—including your shadow sides.

3. Self-Care

You love your body and give yourself what you need—no matter what.

Self-care is not a destination. It is more like the pit crew that keeps your vehicle running perfectly during a race. You check in and communicate with your body regularly. You constantly adjust to provide what your body needs. You make what you need a top priority and make sure you are getting it on a daily basis.

Bonus: When you love yourself, self-care is something you want and enjoy to do.

4. Self-Compassion 

You are always gentle, loving, and kind to yourself.

When you love yourself, you give up the notion of flaws or failure. You recognize all of life is part of the journey and you give yourself compassion each step along the way. There is no self-criticism. You genuinely forgive yourself for any “mistakes.”

Bonus: When you can easily forgive yourself, you more easily forgive others.

5. Self-Confidence

You are confident in yourself, and know you can do, be, or have anything you want.

You have high self-esteem and self-satisfaction. Other’s opinions of you do not impact your inner knowing of what you can achieve.

 6. Empowerment 

You take inspired action to be, do, or have anything you want.

As the sovereign of your inner Queendom, you go for your dreams. When you have that flash of, “I want that!” you don’t tamp it down with the “reality” of how much it costs, how much time it requires, etc. You know the Universe says “YES!” to what your heart and soul desires and you go for what you want without apology or holding back. You are full-in doing what you came into this life intending to do.

7. Self-Expression

You are fully and freely being authentically you.

You share your truth and don’t care if other people like you or not. You openly and honestly express yourself in what you say, how you look, and in all your creative communication.

8. Spiritual Self

You recognize and acknowledge the sacredness of Who you are.

You love yourself because you know that you are loved and adored by God (the Universe, Source, All-That-Is—whatever works for you). You get that you are a sacred being. You honor yourself as a vessel through which Universal love is manifested into this world, and bring this awareness to all that you do.

Bonus: Because of your connection to your Spiritual Self, you feel safe and fully supported by the Universe. You know everything is always working out for you.

9. Self-Trust

You honor and respect yourself, and know that you can fully rely on you.

You listen to and act on your inner wisdom no matter what. You trust your decisions. You always honor and keep promises to yourself.

You know you deserve and only tolerate loving and respectful relationships. You maintain high standards for yourself—and others.

10. Pleasure

You know life is supposed to be fun!

You live life with joy, and are in tune with experiencing the delights of all your senses.

Far from being frivolous, you know that play is important. Doing things just because you enjoy them is the key to abundance in all areas of your life. But that’s not why you do them. You do them for the sheer pleasure it provides.

Consciously balancing your Love Yourself Wheel helps make the journey to creating the body—and life—you really want a pleasure rather than a pain.

Together We can do it!